Still together but trying to save this

[PeteWyo]

Well that is a complicated situation. I would love to do some 180s with my wife. But she isn't around. She is staying with a friend and isn't in the house. I basically told her early on that it was the OM or me and it appears that she has made her choice. I would love to continue to be in some sort of relationship with my W but I don't know at this point what to believe. I can't do too many 180s with my W because all of her issues (at least the ones that she has told me about) stem from my anxiety and work stress. Both things that I am working on. We didn't have the marriage from hell. I always did thoughtful things for her and took care of her. I rarely raised my voice and we almost never fought. That is part of the problem, or maybe a big part of the problem. I have obviously talked with all of our friends a lot about what is going on and they keep telling me stories of how my W would come to them unhappy about something. But she never told ME that she was unhappy about those things. What's worse is that the thins she was unhappy about were misunderstandings. She would hear only one small part of what I was saying and vent only that part to other people without putting the conversation in context. Once they heard the whole conversation they understood what we were talking about and everyone keeps telling me that it was presented completely differently. I don't fault her for any of that, she was feeling a certain way and I understand that. But how could we have ever sorted out our misunderstandings and miscommunications if she never talked to me about them? She admits that we did have a lot of miscommunications and that we never talked about them because she was afraid of confrontation. But it doesn't matter because even though she knows now about all of this, she could never possibly heal. The damage has been done, whether or not it was her fear of confrontation or my anxiety, it doesn't matter. So no I am not doing 180s with my W, because she isn't around to witness them.