Thank you SS for stopping by. I truly agree that I need to protect myself from those who don't love me or don't know how to love me.

I'm really struggling with this. It's Day 3. Last night H put D4 to bed. When D4 falls asleep he assumes H will be there when he wakes up. So He woke up crying at 10:30pm looking for H. I called him and he didn't pick up. Obviously.

I text him. "D4 woke up crying for you" D4 ended up falling asleep right after the call so I kept the phone on silent and went back to bed. He called numerous times and text.

He showed up early this morning. I made them all breakfast and walked away to lie in the hammock in the backyard. Meditating, praying and facing my fears.

I came back in cuz D1 was crying for me. I noticed H didn't eat his breakfast but he's still here watching ESPN. Before breakfast he sat on the porch for a while and I think he was crying.

This is so hard for both of us. H hates this because this is how he grew up. He was his parents messenger when FIL would give MIL the silent treatment. H said he never wanted to have this type of a relationship.

God help me to continue on this journey. I am afraid of tonite, tomorrow, etc. I need to just see it as now. Worry about getting through it now.


M 42 H 39
T10 (-2yrs separation)
S8 D5
DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA)
Reconciled 6/2013
Separation in works 1/2017