Thanks Tori and NLW for your comments. One thing I will say is that H has never mentioned wanting a divorce nor splitting our assets. It's me who talks about that when I am feeling desperate for this sitch to end. When he first left he talked about needing to reset things between us by dating so I guess that's what we've been doing until his conflict over telling me about the sailing trip.
On good days I believe he's on a MLC journey to making peace with his relationship with his folks. On bad days I think he is too scared to tell me that he wants out.
I want to be lovingly detached and let him do what he needs to do without worrying that our marriage will breakdown. In July when I asked to see him, he said he couldn't cos his head was a mess and so I said can we talk then and he said I can't right now. I answered "and that's perfectly ok, i know you will when you can". And he did the next day. I want to stay in that headstate and believe he will when he can. I want to be the lighthouse in his fog.
Another thing that is part of the problem in my mind is his job. He loves it but I don't think it loves him. 12hr days frontline defence stuff, jetting all over the world and then coming back to the issues that have built up. The night before he moved out I happened to ask how's work and he broke down and said he wasn't coping and hadn't been for awhile. Now he lives in a room on site, no kitchen, not looking after himself, putting on weight, you get the picture. He's in a mess but I know I can't fix him.
I want to detach but be available to rebuild our relationship when he's ready. I think that's been the problem up til now, I've wanted more than he could give.
Please help me to lovingly detach but not seem cold to my H
ME41 H39 T12 M9 Ilybinilwy 10/2010 H moves out 11/2010 H moves in 09/2011 out 11/2011 Try to fix it alone, give up 07/2012 Tumbling to file 02/01/2013 :-) "Strong on the inside, soft on the outside"
