Mystify, I do not remember if you and your H went to a counsellor after your A.
Here is what I get from your H's behaviour and words...
He still does not trust you. To me, that speaks to him having never really worked through his pain of your A.
Sorry if this sounds a little harsh, but it seems as though you feel, since YOU are over and past the A, that he should be, too. I know it's old news and you don't want to go back there...
but from where I sit... your H's doubts about the M revolve around his inability to trust you. Yes, that's "his problem"... but in regards to your M... it's your problem, as well...
So, like your counsellor, I do also see how you could be confused and I also believe you are doing everything you can...
I think that a M friendly counsellor who is trained to work through infidelity issues could be very helpful, if your H is willing.
Also, while I do understand how you saying to your H that he should have answered the "private name / private number" call was your way of showing transparency, if you said it to him in the way you posted here...
Well, let me just ask this:
Do you believe you are truly empathetic to your H?
How are you showing that in a way he would believe?
