I think I see the picnic!

[2chiquitos]

Thank you Busting, at least I know I'm not alone.

I have to thank God for giving me the strength to confront H last night. I don't know where it came from but I said,
I know you still talk to (OW) n see her and I want you to stop.
He was shocked and asked why was I saying this.

I didn't want to tell him the little signs I saw everywhere. I knew he would lie about them. I refused to tell him.

I went dark. He was at our house and we only spoke when it had to do with the kids. He ended up staying til 9:30pm. (he was going to leave at 7pm but cancelled his plans to stay because of my reaction/action).

I approached him later on in the night and said in a very caring way, I want you to know what's going on in my head. I don't hate you and I'm not angry.

H: It sure seems that way.

Me: I just can't be so close to you when I know you're still communicating with her. I want to know what's going on in that relationship? What's going on in your head? And no more lies. The lies are what are hurting me right now. I'm able to get past the things you've said but not the lies.

H: I don't want to hurt you. I only talk to her sometimes.

Long story short. I told him I love him but it hurts me to know he's still talking to her and so I need to distance myself from him. He can continue coming to see the kids, but our "friendship" is on hold.

This is the part that makes this decision so D@MN difficult!
He said, I can honestly tell you that everyday I miss you and the kids more. That everyday I ask myself if I will regret this decision.

I think I'm at the acceptance part. I'm not doing this in anger or to get back at him. I'm doing it because having a friendship with him right now is breaking my self esteem. I can finally look at myself in the mirror and tell myself that I am loving myself.

But it's so hard to shut him out. I need to remember that I'm doing this for myself. He will be ok and so will I.

Please send me your words of advice.