I guess the email is different to the usual way I communicate w H.It's very cut and dried/business like and the impression I would get receiving such an email is that he just wants to get on with house stuff and is letting me go (guess that's the point?).
If I was going to try and open us up like before I would say "There's also a bunch of mail here. If you want to come over one evening, maybe we could grab a bite to eat." Kind of leaving something to pick up. But then it sets me up for disappointment and with my new view from earlier "controls" what time he gets the mail and what we will do. So I will risk it this time.
As to what I did before helping my sitch overall? Well no, he's not living here and we have been doing "this" whatever its called so maybe not.
We were doing real good til May (I had my inner drama queen, inner child and whatever else in control), we sometimes talked about him coming home and then these guy things occurred and I lost control.
But each time over the last 24mths (until the drama in July) when he has "run away/caved" for a period again I have intimated that I am still here, txtng starts and then I invite him to do something with me e,g a walk or fixing something in the house (i.e not talking about the situation). At Xmas it was him who picked up the ball first and then I took "control" driving the relationship along (I want to do that differently too in future).
In July the no show on our anniversary was it for me. I was very hurt and didn't want to know. He reached for me and I pushed back and then a week or so later I tried to "break in" to his space and he pushed me back but we text daily "morning" "sleep well" from then until he eventually asked to come over and said those things that I had been waiting to hear for 2 years.
It's a horrible situation because when we spend time together it's like none of this has happened. We don't really talk about the R, I just enjoy our time together and I think he does too. That's prob why this has gone on so long. It's good and then he runs sometimes for a long while, sometimes for a day usually because I squeeze for abit more (will do that differently in future w DB help).
I joined the board because I want this to be our last "break up" dance because honestly I don't think I can put myself in a position to end up here again. And this time feels different already perhaps we both feel the same.
We are both doing NC. I don't know what his reasons are. I'm grateful tho that he text last week when I asked if he was ok. And take it as a good sign that he misses me. I think he can do simple coms just no emotional or R talk currently.
I don't want to pry the door open like the other times as I want this to be different and I want to be strong enough to say what I want this time.
I am panicking a bit tho as the month is running out. I've visitors next w/e and 1 Oct he goes on business again for 3 weeks. I feel we are running out of time to reconnect which is stupid cos in Feb he went away for 3 weeks and that's when I got myself centred.
What I do know is I have to be clear on what I want if we pick up again. This is what this gift of time is for.
I will think more about the "never contacts you again" question.
ME41 H39 T12 M9 Ilybinilwy 10/2010 H moves out 11/2010 H moves in 09/2011 out 11/2011 Try to fix it alone, give up 07/2012 Tumbling to file 02/01/2013 :-) "Strong on the inside, soft on the outside"
