I am starting to wonder if I am a WAS because I really am not too terribly upset. I have felt somewhat relieved he is not here.
That's good, sounds like you're already starting to realize you're stronger than you thought!
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I started the Dobson book last night. Maybe a quarter of the way through it.
Excellent, glad it's helping!
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I need to tell him at some point that basically, I am okay with his being gone. I have not done that.
I don't think you need to tell him at this point, he'll figure it out from your actions. He may ask you at some point when he notices you're not pursuing him anymore, if he does then just shrug and tell him you're concentrating on yourself now, improving yourself and making your life better/ more pleasant. Do not talk about the future, your R, your M, separation or D (read the 34 DB 180 tips at least once a day as a reminder).
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I also told him I am not sure if I will still be in a place that I want to remain married at that time. So should I leave it go at that? I'm thinking yes.
Yes, absolutely. He knows your stance, no need to repeat it. Concentrate on GAL at this point, it'll reinforce what you told him.
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I have not called or texted and really sort of have no desire to. It's kind of weird. I wonder what he is doing and where he is and who he is with but I know how that would just damage me and I am better off not knowing so it helps me to keep things in perspective.
Good, you're doing the right thing with no contact. It's normal to wonder what he's doing, I'm in much the same position as you with my W and I do wonder what she's up to, but I don't let it consume me. Just understand that it's normal to have those thoughts, just stick to your game plan.
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Also, I think knowing he intends to come over for whatever reasons helps with my anxiety which just goes to show that perhaps I am not as detached as I think I am.
I can relate, it's a lot easier for me to detach when my W isn't around, but when I'm with her I feel those old heartstring tugs. It's tough.
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Of course, I'm not. This is just all so damn confusing and my emotions seem to change from one minute to the next. I am definitely still hurt and angry.
I know it's difficult, but please understand we ALL go through this. It's a normal part of the grieving process. You're grieving the loss of your M, because you're starting to realize that no matter what, the old M is gone. Don't try to ignore the grief or push it away, accept it and roll with it and it'll get better each day.
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I had a super productive day yesterday. Spent it doing things I like to do. Worked out, did homework, worked on the house. Considering doing some things around here and make changes that I hadn't before just because he didn't want me to. One of them is clearing out our bedroom and painting and decorating the way I want and something that reflects me. So that it is a calm place of refuge instead of this area that does nothing but remind me that he isn't here. If that makes sense?
Oustanding!!! Not only does it make sense, but it is perfect GAL'ing!! Good job!!
