busted affair again!

[newman7977]

"So this really infuriates me more and this is when we started talking deeper in the R and I'm like WTF when where you planning to tell me..."

You do understand that if you don't get rid of your anger issues, it's going to be someone else.

Right now you have to deal with the anger. Are you seeing a C for this?

Honestly, the only way to get over the OM is to forgive your W. Like truly forgive her. She's apologized (which is way more than many of the WASs have done here). So YOU are going to have to learn to let it go.

It's not easy and it definitely is going to be one of the hardest things to do. That feeling you have right now that you think is "detachment"? It isn't. It's you self-preserving your ego.

Each time you blow up you start at square one. She's going to think all of the things you're doing now are fake and not real. You could ask her to go to C with you to help YOU if she's open to it.

Right ^^^

Yep! ^^^


Starsky

Ouch^^^thanks for the hit in the head guys.

I totally agree that I have to diffuse this anger because it's not helping my sitch. I'm really trying and I'll be honest there still anger left but it's getting lighter. As long run pointed out this is a weakness but I'm human after all and I react. My next IC appt I have is in a month and I'll definitely work on this issue.

I'll be lying if I said I already forgave my W I haven't come to terms all I know right now is that I choose to forgive her. I'm trying though I really do, but the scenario keeps repeating in my head. One minute I forgiving the next I'd think how could she do this to me, it's such a back and forth in my head. Yes my w was apologetic and I want to believe she's sincere but she said this before and it's hard to trust if the trust is violated again, you see, I was already regaining my trust but bam 9/4 rolls around and she deceived me again. It will take time I guess.

It's getting a little better, today I didn't obsess that much about the sitch I mean it's still comes and go but today it was less than normal.

I continue my 180 today, I bought dinner (trying to be consistent as far as offering to help) and keeping light communication with W. No R talk just how her day went and such. I also bought some pastries, she loves these things to dip in her coffee. My plan is to do these things once in a while so she doesn't feel smother by it, I'll give it some balance by doing things out of the blue. I notice that she's pretty receptive on what I'm doing unlike before. I think as long as she receptive about these things I'll continue.

So good things I notice so far at least this week:

- she's responsive to my occasional text (she use to just ignore me and really cold answers, now I sense some kindness)
- receptive to me doing stuff ( buying dinner, helping around the house)
- communication improved (trying to create positive environment)


My goals:

- I would really like to see her put her wedding ring back on
- I want to regain emotional closeness
- would like her to initiate contact

I'll work on these for now, the rest are bigger goals.

For me: keep exercising, keep 180s. Still working on GAL...still working on detachment.

Thanks again guys.

Newman