Idk, those are the sort of "normal" things that started slowly re-appearing with my W back in May, or was it June? idk
But as always...no expectations....lol...because he will bounce close and far, close and far, as they figure out stuff, then remember that they were done, then forget that and come close...ad nauseum... the ride ain't done yet!
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
hrm, I agree w/T...the ride isn't over yet. They flit back and forth just like a moth is drawn to a lighted candle. I like the fact that you are thanking him for doing these little chores and it makes him feel appreciated. Keep up the good work.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
T~ No worries, I've got no expectations, but plenty of hope.
Snodderly~ Cats, moths, the circus, roller coasters, gee... will the fun ever end?? LOL (trying to keep up with that sense of humor of mine!)
The last few days have continued to be pretty good. He continues to seem normal, and actually happy, strange. We have made dinner together the last few nights, and even made some small talk about trivial stuff. I was on the phone last night with a co-worker, and he apparently got a phone call and even answered it while in the house with me. I think it was his mom, but either way, he hasn't spoken to anyone on the phone around me in months.
Now tonight he's not home yet, *shrugs* so who knows, maybe he decided danger getting too close... could be anything. I'm not going to stay up all night thinking about it. LOL I think it just makes me feel like I have to keep my guard up because I have no idea where his head is, it's not like he says things like I realize what's going on with me isn't about you, or anything like that. Heck he could still, in his mind, be planning on leaving, even though it's been almost a year of this crazy mess....
Anyway, those are the updates.... I gotta go feed my dads cats now, just now remembered I have cat duty while they are on vacation! Have a great night all!!
Well, today's the day.... 10th anniversary... H got up early and went to the gym, oddly, he usually doesn't do two days in a row. So I got up and went over and knocked on his door, said, "Happy Anniversary" and handed him the card I had for him. He looked at it like it was something that would bite him and said, "I can't... I don't think there's really anything to celebrate..." In attempts to stay strong I didn't say anything else just reached the card further to him. He did take it, huffed and I just walked back to "my" room.
Now he has gone to the gym, and I took a peak, he didn't open the card, didn't even take it with him, it's lying upside down on the bookshelf in that room.... of course my heart is broken, not that I was actually expecting anything, but I knew this day would be hard...
I did cry after he left.... actually if I'm perfectly honest still now, but hopefully I can get it all out before work... So he's still securely lodged in MLC.... but this lighthouse is still trying to stay strong... God has a plan.... just wish I knew what it was...
hrm, I'm sorry his reaction wasn't better, but he's in crisis and he doesn't want to give you "hope". As for the card still being in "his" room...he will open it at some point and keep it. Mlcers tend to keep anything that we give them, right down to the bows on packages some times.
I'm going to wish you a happy anniversary despite what is going on. Do something special for yourself today and know that your marriage was a good one until mlc hit. Don't allow his reaction to mar your day, even though I know it hurt like heck when he responded the way he did.
God does have a plan, but he's not ready to reveal it to you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hrm, I'm so sorry your day had to start out that way. Just wanted you to know I read your post and really feel for you.
I do think the "milestones" are so difficult fir the MLCer. They don't want to be reminded they are stuck, it may have nothing to do with YOU, as it were.
I'll be thinking of you today. You have such a sweet spirit.
Congratulations on holding yourself together while he was there, too.....
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
Snodderly is right, W never acknowledged the cards I left for her to find. I didn't see them in the recycling, but never knew what happened to them until recently when I was cleaning and I found them stashed away nicely. They can't go "there" right now.
Must be something in the air, I was having a difficult evening and morning too, all the pushed aside emotions from this came bubbling to the surface demanding attention. Great job holding yourself, you are strong!
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
I wanted to wish you a happy anniversary. I too spent my 10 year anniversary back in June in sadness and tears. It was a difficult day.
Think of it this way... I bet you have had a lot of anxiety about today. Wondering what H would do or say. Wondering how he would react to your card. Wondering if you should have even gotten him a card, or if you wrote the right things in it.
You can stop wondering. Take a deep breath. The day is almost over. And you survived.
It may not have been pretty at times, but you made it through.
I understand that it hurts to think this is how you will remember your 10 year anniversary. But think of it this way...If in the future you are reconciled and happy... Because you chose to stand for your M and love your H in his darkest hour... And you have years of happy anniversaries...
Does this one matter in the end?
Stay strong. You can do it.
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
Hrm..i've not visited your thread for a long time..but for some reason I was drawn here today. I'm so sorry for your pain. I'm sure its a struggle for your H to know what is right today. Do something special for yourself.
Acknowledging what the others have said...my H has an in tact chocolate rose still sitting on his bedside table from Valentine's day.
Snodderly~ Thank you!! And I did do something special for me, and wasn't home last night, why should I spend my anniversary evening with someone who doesn't want me around. A nice 180 for me, not staying home for what should have been a special occasion.
RH~Thank you so much!! I really appreciate your post! I agree that "milestones" and/or special occasions are hard for them.... they don't fit into the fantasy world they have created, so anything to escape....
T~ Well he did end up opening it (more about that in a bit). Sorry to hear you had a difficult evening/morning, I hope you are doing better now, sometimes those emotions sneak up on us!! Thank you, sometimes being strong can be so draining...
Takevowsserious~ Thank you so much!! You are absolutely right!!
GALbaby~ Thank you, I'm glad you decided to visit my thread. I always appreciate the input of others here!
~Updates~Yesterday was indeed very painful for me as expected, but thank God for all of the good people in my life! My friends, co-workers, and all of you made it so much easier to deal with, and I really appreciate that!! *hugs to all my internet friends*
I was able to keep myself mostly composed at work, had a few teary times. I am happy to say I have an excellent supervisor and had a really good chat with her, it helped a lot (sometimes being in the human service field has it's perks)HAHA.
Later at home last night H surprisingly came home after work, I thought he might avoid it. I was getting ready to go to another haunted attraction with my dear friend. H randomly came in the room and started asking me about bills. He said he was wondering how paying them was going, he figured since he didn't hear anything he assumed it must be fine. I just looked at him and gave myself a few seconds to contemplate something to say that wasn't are you freaking kidding me??!! So I said nicely, "I make it work." Then went on to say, "Honestly October will be difficult because 2 cars need inspected." H said, "what do u mean 2 cars?" (We have a 3rd car we haven't driven in a long time, so he knows which car). I told him, and he said, "You don't have to get that one inspected right now unless you plan on driving it." I told him that was good to know and said either way my car needs inspected, tags, and an oil change and restated I would make it work. He didn't say anything, and by this time my friend had arrived so I went to answer the door.
He went scampering to "his" room, guess we decided NOT to talk to her this time. Anyway, my friend and I were getting ready to go and H went downstairs. She and I decided we would be nice and invite him out (we knew he wouldn't come, but we knew asking was the right thing to do). So before I went downstairs I went to grab something out of "my" room and looked into ""his" room, he had opened the card.
I went downstairs and said, "Hey we are getting ready to go out, you are more than welcome to come if you want." He said, "No thank you." I said, "Ok, have a good night." H replied, "yeah, you too." That whole conversation he had his back to me and wouldn't look at me, and his voice now sounded soft and sad. Guess he read the card. I haven't seen him since then because I didn't get home until about 12 and he got up early and left and I have no clue when he will return....enter escape mode I suppose, anything to keep the fantasy life going, must not slip off that edge and face the real issues...
Oh and had another dead guy pet my hair at this haunted attraction... WTF? LOL After the haunted attraction my friend and I went out to dinner, I figured I should treat myself to a nice anniversary dinner, I definitely deserve it.
Today has been busy too. A co-worker, her two children and I went to a carnival this morning/afternoon (what a beautiful day for it too!!), and then I took the recycling in (it's been piling up), and I found a little country store I've seen signs for for about a year and always wanted to check out, that was fun. I think I'm going to go downstairs and dig out my Halloween decorations this evening.
Sorry this is so long..... Hope everyone enjoys the rest of their weekends!!
