Wow, yes that describes my sitch EXACTLY. My W claims it took years to get there too, but I truly believe it's not true, that it really just took a few months. I think she convinced herself it had been brewing a lot longer, but that was part of her efforts to rewrite history. Looking back there are indications from as recently as 9 months ago (6 months before BD) that she was very content in the M and had no desire to end things.
And yes, I also believe W is not "in love" with me right now. She loves me for sure, but she thinks the romantic spark is gone and that she wants/ needs that. She hasn't realized yet that being "in love" is a choice we make rather than a ball sitting on the ground waiting to be picked up. She has chosen not to be in love with me, and she can choose to be in love with me again. I hope she realizes this sooner rather than later. Same thing with happiness, her big complaint was that she hasn't been happy for a long time. But she doesn't understand yet that she's the only one that can make herself happy. These are the things she needs to reflect on in her time alone. I hope she uses the time and space wisely.
My wife has said that we have never been in love once and that she fell out of love a few different time frames. The thing is that it is not important. She thinks she is not "in love with me" anymore and it is that romantic spark. If she thinks she is not then she is not. Nothing I can say to change it. You are spot on that the W needs to figure that out on their own. Think we are thinking the same thing here. Our wives are unhappy, and we feel for them, but they have to figure that out too on their own. Time. Patience and time. My new mantra! Hang in there man.
