Not sure if this is going to work

[25yearsmlc]

I don't know any of that backstory but I know ESN's. If he cheated on her with a co-worker OR while she was pregnant, that is news to me.

Sounds more like KeepGoing's thread, but I digress.

ESN you are not actually IN piecing yet b/c you don't both know you want to recommit, correct? So it's more like a probing towards piecing and then, hopefully, a recon.

But you say you are NOT sure you want HIM so much as you want an intact family. What does that mean? Does he still annoy/dissatisfy you? Are you in love with him?

Also, what would be different now, than before, on both ends?

e.g. How are you going to handle his inevitable flaws (b/c we all have them)?

You used to have quite an anger problem, by your own admission.

Does he still push buttons in you that re-ignite the anger

or have you modified your reactions to him enough so that you will react differently- which MAY lead to him reacting differently?


And did you ever read the Div Busting or Div Remedy books? You seemed resistant to them. True, they are NOT the same as all the rest and even if you LOVE LOVE LOVE the other books you promote--

would it really hurt to read one of the books that forms the basis of this site?

ANYHOW....Back to piecing...

if you both decide to recommit, well, I would not do so,

unless I knew you BOTH had NEW TOOLS for handling conflict. That was huge for you guys.

Life does give conflict to us and always will. Right after you resolve one, you get another.

When we began piecing, like 5 months into it, my mil got terminally ill and came to live with us and I quit MY job (b/c h makes more).

that's a curve ball that would affect ANY m, let alone a shaky one in piecing.

We were able to attend Retrovaille and had some breakthroughs,

and then we did our own personal work at a workshop and reconnected even more fully.

But we had to get new tools for handling MIL's issues, and that's just one example of a new problem you cannot anticipate until it comes.

So, what are the new tools YOU have? And him?

I'd work on getting those no matter what else happens and then see where things go.

I would not live together for a long time however. Not til new tools are in place, trust is there and you both let go of the past.

Good luck