I've done everything wrong and need help!!!!!

[25yearsmlc]

Oh yea I want reconciliation but she's made it clear its not gonna happen.

I've not read DB or DR yet. Am not gonna lie about that.

why haven't you read one of those books? After all this anger and energy you spend spinning your wheels, you lack the...energy...the discipline, the....the what, to read A SINGLE BOOK?

It forms the whole basis of our philosophy and DBing and this approach IS DIFFERENT THAN MOST marriage counselling approaches, which I know for a fact. We are solution based and we do NOT go into psychoanalysis to diagnose people we cannot control

So, no wonder you don't get it. But it tells me something, I fear.

I fear you are a man who likes to skate by, doing the least amount needed to get what you want. MAYBE that's something to look at in your r's.

I mean, posting HERE on this site for weeks, seeing us all say "get the book asap and read it and then you'll "get it" "THen you'll do better at this and THEN you'll see some progress..."


and then you don't....but you'd take the time to spew your anger on paper and post it here. WHY? You said you adored her and loved her and you even say you want a reconciliation...then

Read one of the DB books. I read them both, more than once. The 2nd one is more recent so I suggest that one (Div Remedy).


And if you really believe that your wife changed SOLELY b/c of her father's death

and there's "NOTHING ANYONE" could do if they'd been married to her,

then so be it. It's over.

Nothing you can do but hope someday you find someone who already lost their parents.

but if you think maybe, just maybe, you're like the rest of us and actually have flaws or character traits you'd like to change (and you do have anger and you do lack patience)

and that something in you MIGHT have played a role in how she sees you or how she feels about you (including now, of which I'm positive)

then look at it

and make changes in you that YOU want to make. Not to get her back, but to become the Kevin you want to become.

I don't hear any insight on your end about a 180 or how you can be the best Kevin you can be. Not one mistake in your whole m? NOT ONE REGRET ABOUT ANY BEHAVIOR OR YOURS? Wow...and no, I don't mean the "in hindsight I see that she used me..." b/c that's all just more blaming her.

Of course, it'd be easier for you to process this and to understand this AND to move forward

if you'd actually read the book.

Ask yourself why you won't take the time to read a book at least 5 people have urged you to read.

It's not heavy or dense. It's relevant to a situation YOU SAY is important to you.

I just think it's very curious.

NOW ONTO SOMETHING ELSE....

what is it, specifically that you are so mad about TODAY?

How is she "using" you?

I thought she said she wants out, she sees no hope and she wants the divorce.

As devastating as that is to know, what is it that makes you feel she's not respecting your boundaries NOW?

Not back in April, but now?

IOW As of today, what is it you think is so bad about her behavior ---

GIVEN that she wants a divorce?

What choices is she making that so irritate and insult you, lately?

I think I must have missed something in the thread.