These Are Dark Days...

[Starsky309]

Now, that's not to say that there isn't a time and a place for communicating where you stand. But reaching out of the dark is absolutely the wrong way to go about it. Like the others have said, it will make you look weak and manipulative.

While I obviously can't guarantee you this, I do believe that a time will come when you can communicate your position to your W.

I believe that too.

[AlkalineThoughts]

You guys are seriously the best. Thank you so much. I will continue to stay the course... I'm sure she will reach out at SOME point, and that will be the time. Unfortunately, It won't be when she comes down to pack the rest of her stuff, as I won't be here for that... But I'm sure she'll reach out at some point.

I absolutely can't afford to look weak, much less BE weak. I'm working too hard on myself to sabotage my hard work and revert back to the "old me".

While I love my W very much, I also am learning to love MYSELF, especially the new me i'm working so hard on... I don't want to look in the mirror and see someone who's weak and will put himself into positions to get himself hurt over and over again...

And hell, if she doesn't ever reach out to see what's going on, then it'll be a lot easier to realize that this person is not my W anymore... she's someone else entirely, someone who I wouldn't want a R with after all...

[Starsky309]

You guys are seriously the best. Thank you so much. I will continue to stay the course... I'm sure she will reach out at SOME point, and that will be the time. Unfortunately, It won't be when she comes down to pack the rest of her stuff, as I won't be here for that...

OK, color me confused: I thought when she came down was when you planned on having "The Confront" with her??? The "I never had any interest in sharing my wife with another man, and I know all about you and _________" speech?

What did I miss?


Starsky

[Denver_2010]

You guys are seriously the best. Thank you so much. I will continue to stay the course... I'm sure she will reach out at SOME point, and that will be the time. Unfortunately, It won't be when she comes down to pack the rest of her stuff, as I won't be here for that... But I'm sure she'll reach out at some point.

I absolutely can't afford to look weak, much less BE weak. I'm working too hard on myself to sabotage my hard work and revert back to the "old me".

While I love my W very much, I also am learning to love MYSELF, especially the new me i'm working so hard on... I don't want to look in the mirror and see someone who's weak and will put himself into positions to get himself hurt over and over again...

And hell, if she doesn't ever reach out to see what's going on, then it'll be a lot easier to realize that this person is not my W anymore... she's someone else entirely, someone who I wouldn't want a R with after all...

YES, YES, YES! That is nice to read AT. You will grow and learn from this process. But you will be battered and bruised along the way. I felt like Rocky Balboa much of the time. But I kept getting back up, I survived, learned from my mistakes, and adjusted accordingly. You are doing that as we speak. Nice.

[Starsky309]

I felt like Rocky Balboa much of the time. But I kept getting back up, I survived, learned from my mistakes, and adjusted accordingly.

Somewhere along the line you changed. You stopped being you. You let people stick a finger in your face and tell you you’re no good and things got hard, you started looking for things to blame. Like a big shadow.

Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s very mean and nasty place. And I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me or nobody is going to hit as hard as life.

But it ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep amoving forwards, how much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done.

Now if you know what you’re worth, you gotta be out there willing to take the hits and not point fingers ‘cos of him or her or anybody if you aint’ where you wanna be. Cowards do that. That ain’t you. You’re better than that.

[Denver_2010]

I felt like Rocky Balboa much of the time. But I kept getting back up, I survived, learned from my mistakes, and adjusted accordingly.

Somewhere along the line you changed. You stopped being you. You let people stick a finger in your face and tell you you’re no good and things got hard, you started looking for things to blame. Like a big shadow.

Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s very mean and nasty place. And I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me or nobody is going to hit as hard as life.

But it ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep amoving forwards, how much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done.

Now if you know what you’re worth, you gotta be out there willing to take the hits and not point fingers ‘cos of him or her or anybody if you aint’ where you wanna be. Cowards do that. That ain’t you. You’re better than that.

That's AWESOME ^^^ .... should be the mantra around here.

[Denver_2010]

You guys are seriously the best. Thank you so much. I will continue to stay the course... I'm sure she will reach out at SOME point, and that will be the time. Unfortunately, It won't be when she comes down to pack the rest of her stuff, as I won't be here for that...

OK, color me confused: I thought when she came down was when you planned on having "The Confront" with her??? The "I never had any interest in sharing my wife with another man, and I know all about you and _________" speech?

What did I miss?


Starsky

I agree that it would be a good time, but how is suppose to do that when they have agreed that he will be gone when she is there. Asking to meet her or anything else seems to me like he is reaching out from the dark. NOW, if she suggests a meeting, then that would be different.

I don't have any other ideas... Thoughts Starsky?

[Starsky309]

My thought is, that I pretty much no longer care how/where he does it, but it's LONG past the time for him to speak his peace on her infidelity. He's giving his silent consent, and WITHOUT such a talk, I agree that his "darkness" seems kinda creepy.

I think he's dithering, that's what I think.

I"m sorry, and I know that I was out of town for a week, but I must have missed the part where he wasn't going to talk to her when she came down. I thought that was what we had all agreed to.


Starsky

[chatterbug]

I am still shocked he would let his cheating wayward wife full access to the house, alone with company.... I know I would be there.

I also know that everything would have been moved to the garage for quick access.

I would not life a finger to help and anything left over I would say the following ?

"This garbage or are you taking it today?"

If the answer was garage. I would say.

"Then bag it and move it to the street"


But that is just me. And yes I had to deal with this situation as well. And I stayed in the house to make sure nothing extra was taken or damaged.

I am not a Storage Facility for garbage.




On a side note.

I would not give her the speech... It will fall on deaf ears. Just something else to blame. As she has made her position on the matter quite clear since early in the relationship.

It is truly our friend here who needs to decide if he wants to remain married to a woman who does want an open marriage.

[chatterbug]

Yea I know I have said this before....