I definitely hear what you're saying Starsky, and it makes a lot of sense. I think what's at issue here is this: I think she's operating under assumptions here as to why I'm not reaching out. I told her months ago that the reason was to give her the "Time and Space" that she asked for... So there's a good chance that what she thinks is happening now. I've never had the opportunity to tell her that "I know about OM and can't be a part of your life while he is..." conversation... Instead, after a friend told me about some stuff posted on FB, my original game-plan changed completely from having that conversation to not having it.
I'm not trying to be argumentative, and I'm still not sure where I fall on this discussion, but I greatly appreciate your input!
Well, yeah, ideally you should have had the "I won't be in any marriage with a third person in it" talk a long time ago. But I'd still wait until she comes down and have the convo in person, for the reasons we've already discussed. And as 'bug says, you don't come out of the dark to tell someone why you've gone dark on them.
It will only seem supplicating at best, and manipulative at worst.
Starsky
ABSOLUTELY RIGHT ... thought I'd change it up there a bit
I absolutely agree with everything that Starsky and Chatter are telling you AT. Your W has to figure this out on her own. Maybe she realizes that she may be losing you, the best thing that ever happened to her, and cannot bear that reality... OR
maybe she decides that her life is better off without you...
Either way man, she has to choose.
Like Starsky said, our instinct is to fix. We, me definitely included, think that if we compose a well worded email, text message, or speech, that our WAW's will see the light. I can tell you from experience, it just doesn't work that way.
Now, that's not to say that there isn't a time and a place for communicating where you stand. But reaching out of the dark is absolutely the wrong way to go about it. Like the others have said, it will make you look weak and manipulative.
While I obviously can't guarantee you this, I do believe that a time will come when you can communicate your position to your W. But I think that it has to come when she picks up the phone, or emails you, and says, "WTF AT! Why the F are you ignoring me?! I'm sick of it! blah, blah, blah..." or however she chooses to try and blame you. BTW, that's how I think it will go down.
Your W knows where you stand with your M. You've already told her. And I also think that she probably already knows that you know about OM. My advice is to stay the course.
Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
