Not really. That is part of the problem. I am more than wife, I am caretaker. By pushing about the counseling and meds then I am sending him the message that he is broken, and "not normal" his words.
Yeah, but he IS broken. He IS not normal. He needs to hear it from others, he won't believe you because he thinks you are the problem.
Originally Posted By: MKB23
I probably was a WAS. I thought about it. We both were/are miserable. What I know is that he was my best friend. Even on bad days he is still the person I want to tell what is happening with me.
That's only because you've put all your emotional eggs in his basket. I did the same thing with my W. You need to reach out to old friends, make new ones, branch out and GAL. Believe me, it makes a world of difference. It's helped me to see that my W is an option, not a necessity. I want her, but I don't need her. It's helped me realize that I will be perfectly fine with or without her. I most definitely want to reconcile, but even if we don't I will have a great life without her. You too will see this in time. You sound like a great person, but you're letting his disaster of a life block you from seeing your own greatness and potential.
Originally Posted By: MKB23
I also learned long ago that forgiveness for many of those things he had done was for myself. Not for him.
In DR Michele talks about forgiveness, it is NOT about forgetting, but rather letting go. You can forgive him, but you still must learn from his mistakes and make him pay the consequences for them. Forgiveness does not mean being a doormat.
Originally Posted By: MKB23
However, that does not in any way mean that I think my children will be better off without two parents.
Your children deserve two great parents, not one great one and one abusive, drug using, depressed one. From what you've described your children are better off without him until and unless he can get his act together. Don't convince yourself that a severely damaged husband/ father is better than no husband at all.
Originally Posted By: MKB23
He gives so many mixed signals. I really think he is going through a personal crisis. I am just the one that he is taking it all out on. Unfortunately, we all do that to people we love. Even when we don't want or mean to.
Again, your sitch is NOT normal!! It sounds like you're trying to convince yourself it is. It's not!
Originally Posted By: MKB23
I feel like I am being punished for something though but really I am not sure what.
Believe me, we all have gone through the victim mentality. Read Dobson's "Love Must Be Tough", it'll help you understand you are not responsible for this.
