My posting that letter on here was my knowing there was a lot of stuff in it that I shouldn't or didn't want to say. It's frustration. I feel like am being treated like an a**hole.
I wasn't perfect by any means but I never hit her, was cruel to her, always supported her choices, let her be herself. Encouraged her to see friends and keep close. Was always telling her I loved her and thought she was the most beautiful woman in there world. I adored her. I know everyone says forget the dads death thing but that's when she changed. I was still there for her. Even when she used to vent her anger at me. I didn't treat her badly for doing that I understood this was her grief doing this.
I was a good husband. Maybe just not the husband for her. Friend have commented her dads death changed HER. These aren't my words. And also some believe no matter who she was with this would have happened. Am not sure how true that is.
Yes am angry, very p**sed off about how am being treated. Lied to, deceived, back stabbed. Divorce is one thing but add to it the let down of infidelity and then seeing the person you married become a complete lier and cruel to you with no thought of your feelings in the space if weeks. To say it has blown me away is an understatement. It's totally effect me as a person.
The natural me is not a violent person. I gave that up when I gave up drink and drugs 20 years ago when I was a boy.
25years, she has made it perfectly clear and has never moved her opinion that this is over for her. She needs more in life and wants to be happy. It feels to me like this was the first major hurdle in our marriage and she jumped off the horse rather than face this with me.
It's gotten to the stage for me where I can't have these feelings any longer because they are eating me up inside.
Yes that letter was anger. Anger at bring pushed around by her. She wants this divorce to be all tidy and neat so she can slip away with out any accountability for her wreckage. That makes me feel used and abused.
Your right I don't know what to do anymore. Am helpless and powerless and I want it back. I want control again but am not gonna get walked all over while she goes screwing around with this guy like its all ok.
Yes I am p**sed off.
Kevin
Me-38W-28. M-2 1/2. Together-7 years OM-14/4/12 Told M in trouble-17/4/12 BD-5/6/12 S-5/6/12 ProofOM-17/06/12 Start to change me-31/08/12 EA+PA-14/04/12-now
