Hi, all of you #2

[ericmsant2]

She said she does not want to live with me either again soon because of the same reason that we were fighting a lot before we separated.

Why would she…she gets to see you and have lunch with you all the while OM is still in the picture. Does she have any motivation to stop and think about the consequences of her actions? No. IMO, you are not allow her that.

I agreed with her and said we will be struggling, and I will probably be full of insecurities.

Why agree with her? Why say that you will struggle. It is almost like you hand her some more ammo to put in her gun. You are giving her even MORE reason to keep up the life she is living. Actions buddy speak louder than words. There may come a time where you can discuss your insecurities…and some of the challenges that you may face – IMO, that time is NOT now.

Other thing she mentioned is that when she gets her appartment that she wants to work on having a friendship in which we learn how to trust each other.

Friendship….wow, is she going to be friends with you and OM?

She apologized to me about been unfaithful and said she regrets not having the courage to fight our fight in the same side, and that her decisions were the wrong ones.

“regrets” and “apologizes” are IMO, more meaningful when they are follow by actions – not words.

Beside getting her own place, what else do YOU need to FEEL like she is moving in the right direction? After you figure that out, the next question I will have is how do you think you can communicate that to her.

Boundaries….if not communicated are not really effective.

For example – I explained to my XW that while OM is in the picture I will not be a part of her life. That is a clear boundary.

That said, do not go the route of putting boundaries in place until YOU (not I) feel like you can enforce them. If you place a boundary based on anger and cannot enforce it..it has the reverse effect.