Divorced Thrd #6/Long Road Ahead

[Mrs D]

New Thread from #5:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2278525&page=1
I feel as if Im doing better with NC, detaching - but its not keeping me in view... and I dont want him to forget about me, and what we had, and could still have.

This is where you are going off track. stop thinking this way. First off, you can not assume that he views the old relationship the same way you do. If anything happens for you and him in the future, it will NOT be the old relationship. It has to be a new one with NEW trust. Second, FIX YOURSELF!!! You said yourself in a previous post. You aren't where you need to be anyways. So stop worrying about his relationship and where it is headed. You can NOT control that. You can only control what you do and think. As soon as you understand all of this, things will get easier.

I havent been around him since two Fridays ago when I stayed the night. He brings C home, drops him off, and leaves. He doesnt even come to the door anymore. And like I said before, it scares me they could be getting closer. Mutaul friends still dont see it. Im not giving up on us. Im still in the background working on me hoping maybe he will see the light sometime soon.

And what light is that? Again, what if he see's you spending the night as a HUGE mistake? Stop worrying about his relationship. It will only hinder your progress.

Ms D, what changes are you making to better yourself and why are you making them? Be honest with yourself. If any of your reasons include to get him back or to win him over, there is a good chance they won't stick. You have to want to change for yourself only. If you do it for anyone else, they just won't stick. Let's say you make some changes for him, he goes on and marries this girl and you finally get over him. When you enter your next relationship, it will be so easy to revert back to old habits because the changes weren't for you. You will no longer feel you need to keep working so that your ex can see these changes. That could put you right back in this same place somewhere in the future. I am really sorry that it seems each time I post in your thread, I am hammering you. I just see what you can't right now. I have been there.

If you truly want your ex, you need to let him go. Work on you and get to a good place. You will still interact with him because of your S. When you finally let go, he will start seeing you and not a clingy/needy person that is chasing him. That is when he will believe in your changes. That is when he can get to know the new you (if he chooses). You cannot make these choices for him though...and neither can your mutual friends.

MrsD, there is much wisdom in Brian's words here. ^^^ Painful and difficult, probably, but much wisdom and compassion nonetheless.

I hope you will strongly consider them, and take his suggestions to heart.


Starsky

Yes I know Starsky. I am getting so much better than I was in the beginning though arent I?