I live with Mr Cranky Pants

[labug]

GAL, you're in a tough place. Anger can be very scary and dangerous.

You also mentioned possible mental illness and while I think it's usually fruitless for us to start diagnosing others, sometimes it's very obvious. Are you willing to continue in a R with someone with untreated mental illness? By OC do you mean obsessive-compulsive disorder or obsessive compulsive personality disorder? 2 very different things. Or is he a perfectionist?

Have you tried boundaries? "H when you (raise your voice, call me names, be specific) I feel disrespected(an example, I don't know how it makes you feel). If you continue to do that I will leave the (room, house, etc)." And calmly walk away, don't argue, don't give second chances. Say what you mean, mean what you say. Would you let anyone else treat you that way?

You must value yourself.