Keep breathing...

[mamabird]

Thanks Hopeful. The dogs did cuddle up with me last night before all of this happened, as if they knew I needed some extra help. It is great to have them around.

Still trying to walk them in the am. It's good alone time for me. The tension just got too much for me to bear last night and I lost it. Oh well.

I feel like this has been the whole vicious cycle in our marriage: I do something hurtful (unintentionally) -> he rejects -> I get angry and go outside the marriage so I do not have to feel so rejected. Then I can say, "well, at least so and so thinks I'm ok". It makes me feel better but makes the cycle so much worse.

This is no way to live and no way to have a marriage.

If he does file, I'm going to try to get him to go to Retrovaille as a condition of my signing. Not an ideal way to get him to go but by that time I'll have everything to lose if not.