I also know that OM2 was partially fueled out of revenge for the horrible way H had treated me over the past year.
I think understanding the dynamics at work here is an important step. Do you think this is because you minimized the impact of OM1 on your H?
Originally Posted By: RegretfulLA
I told him I didn't like being so angry with him but I was hurt and frustrated about our communication problems.
Sorry LA, but that really sounds like an apology about you. Something along these lines may have been received better, "I know I deeply wounded you...twice. I know I broke your trust. I realize I have done serious damage to our M, and I am truly sorry. I am doing everything in my power to understand myself better so that I never make these mistakes again. I hope you can forgive me."
Of course, he could have had the same reaction, but that's not the point. You're not apologizing for a reaction (you might have been yesterday, but you shouldn't be), you're apologizing because you need to, because you love this person, and you did hurt him. He could easily say "it's too late" or "it doesn't matter now" but it does, and it certainly does to you.
Originally Posted By: RegretfulLA
I know this is all the opposite of what I'm supposed to be doing but this rejection was a big problem in our M and one of the reasons I made the choices that I made. Not blaming him... just saying it was a factor.
And this is where the "backbone" comes in. Your weakness here is partly responsible for OM1 & OM2. When are you going to address it? Are you going to let your own weakness continue to control your behavior? To destroy what's left of your M? Carry it into your next R? Teach it to your children?
This is hard stuff LA....really hard. My LL is quality time. How much of that do you think I got over the last 18 months? My W went out of her way to not only not spend any time with me, but to intentionally hurt me repeatedly. This is why you have to detach, and you have to stop thinking you want everything fixed right now....his timeline is not yours.
You're going to have to start thinking about who you want to be. If you're M is over, wouldn't you still want to apologize for hurt your H? Wouldn't you still want to be at peace when you saw him? This is the stuff you need to be focused on....not H's reaction, or timeline, or behavior.
Seriously, think about everything you've been told this week, dig into you. And enjoy your weekend with your kids, relax, and keep breathing
