Tin you need to go back and read responses from Mach and others. Not saying to lose hope just have no expectations. Look we are trying for you to not hurt anymore than you have been. This is hard stuff. We care about you but it is so frustrating that u ask for advice and than ignore it. I'm going to leave it that.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
I have to say that early on in my M when the ex/custody stuff was at its worst, I would have loved to have lived in separate houses and just dated. I knew it would have eventually been an issue, like when we had kids together, but other than that it would have been a dream. I don't want you to get your hopes up and read more into her actions, but if she's game for that, I think it's really a good option.
But then you can't drag her back into the ugly by providing her with all the gory details just because it helps YOU to feel better.
I hear what hou are saying. I also know that every situation is different. Most of the advise and support i have received has been a great help. No i have not followed ever piece of advice but again it is advise and no one knows my situation better than me. Like the majority of people on here i try and do what i think is right at the time and take note if it worked or not. Yes i have let my emotions get the best of me. It is what humans do.
Two months ago she was back and ready to try again. The reasons she said she was back was because through out this whole situation i have done what i did. Yes she retreated again. Not because of something i did but because of what i did not do. I did not protect her from my custody battle and all the crazyness involved with that. I am now following labug and crazyville advise and trying to provide my W with some peace and seperation from all that. I have taken there advise to heart and it has really opened my eyes as to what my W has been going through.
We all have to take the advice that feels right for us. If i screw up then i have no problem owning it and in the long run only time will tell. I am learning to be ok with that.
M-45 W-44 2D - 11&13 2SS - 11&17 Married 10/10/10 Bomb 3/5/12 Moved 5 houses away 4/20/12 Back together 9/12 Seperated 6/13 Divorce Final 11/13/13
Thanks Crazyville! Your comments have been helpful! It made me realize how truly had this has been on her. I just did not get it. I thought that being married was having someone there to support you no matter what. For better or worse. But I have realized that involving her in any of it has been such an emotional drain on her and a crushing burden to her.
I have also made peace with the fact that no matter what I do at this point she needs to look out for herself and her boys. If that means she needs to completly end our relationship then I need to support her decisions.
For now I keep living my life and as Rick said above have no expectations.
M-45 W-44 2D - 11&13 2SS - 11&17 Married 10/10/10 Bomb 3/5/12 Moved 5 houses away 4/20/12 Back together 9/12 Seperated 6/13 Divorce Final 11/13/13
So W called me last night and we chatted a little last night. She said she was not going to see this guy anymore as it made things too complicated. Previously she said he was just a friend she had meet and only been out a couple time. Last night it sounded like a little bit more but I did not want want to ask to many questions.
She said she did not know what she wanted right now other that to just be. She said at times she sees me and she thinks about being with me.
So something i am having a hard time with is knowing how far her relationship went. I cant imagine she actually slept with him but i dont know and can't stop thinking about it and what that answer might do to me.
Is that a fair question to ask or should i just keep my mouth shut?
M-45 W-44 2D - 11&13 2SS - 11&17 Married 10/10/10 Bomb 3/5/12 Moved 5 houses away 4/20/12 Back together 9/12 Seperated 6/13 Divorce Final 11/13/13
I kind of already know. What good will asking that question do. It will only bring more hurt to her and to me. It will most likely push her further away and I should just get over it and let it go.
That sound about right?
M-45 W-44 2D - 11&13 2SS - 11&17 Married 10/10/10 Bomb 3/5/12 Moved 5 houses away 4/20/12 Back together 9/12 Seperated 6/13 Divorce Final 11/13/13
W called and asked me to join her and her boys for sushi. She even paid:-) It was a nice time and when we got home i said thank you and headed home. Was going to go out but decided to stay in and just relax. Learning to enjoy the peace and having time to myself.
I think this last round has helped me better understand what she needs and has helped me let go a little. Kind of comforting knowing no matter what happens i will be ok. Still have hope, just learning to stop having expectations and trying to control everything.
M-45 W-44 2D - 11&13 2SS - 11&17 Married 10/10/10 Bomb 3/5/12 Moved 5 houses away 4/20/12 Back together 9/12 Seperated 6/13 Divorce Final 11/13/13
