Tomorrow is a New Day

[hopefulinga]

Small step this morning, when H stopped to kiss me good bye, he actually put his arm around my waist.

Last night when he got back, I asked him about how his ride was and where they ate, trying to show some interest. He told me and then got crappy and started saying that while he was out he was going to turn his phone off because everyone kept calling him and when he wanted me time, he wanted to be left alone. I listened until he was done and told him that I understood how frustrating that must be. Then I told him I was a little confused because I called him at 9:30 after he was back. He told me that our D was calling him, which he was indirectly blaming on me. I was unaware of that, and I told him that I had told her to leave him alone and that we needed to speak to her. I tried not to be defensive, but don't know if I am doing a good job.

I guess his friends were bugging him as well. Who knows. It wouldn't be the first time he took that crap out on me. He wasn't at the airport all night and I'm sure they were all calling to find out where he was.

I told him that if he would have let me know what the game plan was, I would have no need to call him at 9:30 (which is generally when we go to bed), and would appreciate him doing so in the future. Trying to make a request instead of saying "you didn't tell me what is going on".

Anyway, trying to keep my PMA. I'm feeling better now that I am getting some exercise in. I also realized that when I was younger, I was able to balance all of my activities in life when I was exercising. So, I'm hopeful that will start again. Right now I am leaving work early to fit it in.

I did get a little sad last night and cry. When H dropped the bomb, I told him it would have an adverse effect on D16, heightened by her disabilities. He brushed that off and said we'd make it fun for her(really?). When I was putting D to bed, I found a teddy bear in her closet. That bear is one of the last things I can remember my parents giving me before they divorced. And they divorced when I was about 23 or 24. So if that makes me sad 20 years later, I can't expect anything would be easier for my own D.