Good. BTW, your response, assuming that you send something along the lines of what Starsky, Chatter and myself suggest, very well may set her off again. Grin and bear it my friend. I believe that it is perfectly normal.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I'll certainly be grinning and bearing it. I feel like I'm doing MUCH better than I was a month ago with the detachment, although I'm clearly not 100% there yet. I'm making no assumptions on what her response might be, or that she'll even have one, but I'm learning that anger isn't always bad, nor is silence... And kind words aren't always good!
Oh... I meant to ask why your W not coming down until Saturday matters. I presume that it does not and that Starsky through that in there to create a little mystery around what you are doing with your life. If that's the case, I LOVE IT.
You know me too well, Denver.
Yes, mystery . . . which was also the reason for the "respond around 1:00am" suggestion. Like you just got back in from a fun night out.
Thanks for the advice guys! Denver, you're right, not coming down until Saturday doesn't really matter, except for the fact that if she's coming down Friday, then she'd want me out of the house on Friday as well... So adding a little intrigue into the statement seems like a good idea...
And no one thinks that response sounds too cold? I know she's used to me writing more lengthy responses and that by not doing that, i'm showing a different side... I just don't want to come off as flippant...
You DO want to come across as flippant. You are living your life, not concerned about what she is doing or thinking. THAT is where you should be. And if not, faking it until you get there. Do not concern yourself with what she is thinking right now, or how she will react to anything that you might say or do. It is not your responsibility.
She is used to you writing more lengthy responses. THAT is why you need to be doing the exact opposite. She needs to believe that you are moving on with your life... regardless if that is true right now or not.
BINGO. I'd probably use "carefree," or "upbeat, but busy" than flippant, but Denver describes the overall attitude better than I can.
Simultaneously build mystery & intrigue, demonstrate that you're not simply waiting like a puppy dog for her beckon call, and also that you are changing.
I'll certainly be grinning and bearing it. I feel like I'm doing MUCH better than I was a month ago with the detachment, although I'm clearly not 100% there yet. I'm making no assumptions on what her response might be, or that she'll even have one, but I'm learning that anger isn't always bad, nor is silence... And kind words aren't always good!
That is right.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Oh... I meant to ask why your W not coming down until Saturday matters. I presume that it does not and that Starsky through that in there to create a little mystery around what you are doing with your life. If that's the case, I LOVE IT.
You know me too well, Denver.
Yes, mystery . . . which was also the reason for the "respond around 1:00am" suggestion. Like you just got back in from a fun night out.
Starsky
Yeah... Starsky and I are on the same page with this one.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
So as I actually went out tonight, and JUST got home, I just sent the following email,
Hey W,
Sorry, It was a busy day. Yeah, that following weekend would be fine. As long as you won't be coming down until Saturday. Let me know if you are planning on coming in earlier.
H
Now it's time to wait to see if there's a reaction... Kinda hope not... As if she reacts, it's not gonna be pretty
When you are what you are with a simple text such as this.. You are not detached. A small goal would be to remove anxiety from talking with her via text.
This is why you converse in a civil business like manor. Remove emotions from the equation.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
Thanks Chatter. I feel like I'm doing a much better job at detaching, but I'm sure being dark is the most helpful tool there. Whenever I reach out to her, I backslide in the detachment process, hence the anxiety over this simple communication. I'll certainly make it a goal to remove the anxiety... It'll be a tough one!
Thanks Chatter. I feel like I'm doing a much better job at detaching, but I'm sure being dark is the most helpful tool there. Whenever I reach out to her, I backslide in the detachment process, hence the anxiety over this simple communication. I'll certainly make it a goal to remove the anxiety... It'll be a tough one!
That's cuz you're a classic "pleaser"/"rescuer"/"Nice Guy" -- like I am, Alk.
It takes discipline, but you can grow in this area. In fact -- if you'll allow it to -- this painfully difficult time in your MARRIAGE can give you skills that you will then use to improve the rest of your LIFE . . . regardless of how the marriage turns out.
