Stop the ride I want to get off

[Accuray]

The book I meant to reference above was "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It", not "His Needs, Her Needs"

One more way to think about it -- if you had a giant bottle and created a vacuum inside by sucking all the air out and corking it, there's going to be a lot of pent up force there. If you pull the cork out, there will initially be a huge inrush of air. As the bottle starts the fill, the pull will get less intense until it's barely there at all and eventually it's gone.

If you think about a scenario where your H didn't work and followed you around all day, spent all his time entertaining you with pleasant conversation, hugged you constantly and only took breaks to buy your gifts, you'd probably say "enough already!" You would have no abandonment triggers, and you wouldn't act like someone who lacks connection and attention. That's you with the bottle full.

In that context, H would NOT be afraid to tell you anything, and could feel "safe" being himself, because whatever he was doing was completely good enough for you.

Your challenge is to pretend the bottle is full, for some transition period of time, so that H doesn't feel like he's going to pull the cork and get sucked inside the bottle by a huge jet of air. H's challenge is to pump a little air in instead of running away.

Make sense?

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