I found this text from my wife and her best friend on Sat (girlfriend is Jenny - wife is Samantha)
Jenny: What time did you stay till last night
Samantha: I didn't stay much later than you -- I was a good girl in case you were checking
Jenny: Hey Raul seemed really interested in you last night
Samantha: I was quite aware of that if he had asked me back to his apartment one more time ....... I don't remember the last time I blushed.
Jenny: I know .... Hmmm .... you might have enjoyed it.
Samantha: I am sure I would have, but then I would have to think about seeing him afterwards. That's what is usually so akward.
Jenny: Yes I see
Samantha: I don't think I want to have sex without dating someone first.
Jenny: Yeah I think he was just interested in sex.
Samantha: Although it would be nice to just kiss someone.... I sound so pathetic
Jenny: No you don't
Samantha: Thanks are you with your inlaws
This text was in reference to Friday night -- it seems like she is living a single life looking to date someone which I don't understand -- why isn't she divorcing me already -- how do I let her keep going out looking to hook up and just sit by - according to DB is this what I should do ??? I really don't like her going out and getting drunk with people who are supporting her to cheat -- how do I handle this ???
If someone decides there is no goodness in you they won't be able to see it. I'll take a BLT over a MLC anyday !!!
Me-49 W-41 M-9yrs T-15 6 year old boy She turned 40 and BAZINGA W gave me the ILYBINILWY speech - Oct 2011 next day she came out of it for a month like we were newly weds - Distant and cold from 12/11 to 1/12 I Don't love you at all 2/14/2012 I don't remember a day in my life when I loved you 3/31/2012 I want a divorce Threatening to call mediator since 6/2012 Still in the same house, separate bedrooms
If someone decides there is no goodness in you they won't be able to see it. I'll take a BLT over a MLC anyday !!!
Have you read DR? Have you come up with a list of what is not working in your M and have you done 180's on those things? Or are you waiting for your W to change her mind? Because waiting will not fix things, you have to take action and you have to expect to go it alone. It's not too late, but your W is clearly on the verge of an affair. Work on yourself now, make yourself the H she fell in love with. Follow DB principals and above all, be patient, it takes time. Good luck!
how do I let her keep going out looking to hook up and just sit by - according to DB is this what I should do ??? I really don't like her going out and getting drunk with people who are supporting her to cheat -- how do I handle this ???
You can’t stop her from hooking up, but that doesn’t mean you have to accept the behavior either. You can set boundaries (with consequences) as you see fit. Just understand doing so could send her packing.
I agree with DB principals AND would not accept an affair while my wife is living in our house. If I learned of that she would be asked to leave. That’s the thing. While we can’t control what others do, we can control our reaction to it.
Read DR and start working on yourself, for yourself ASAP. Keep posting. Best wishes.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
I found this text from my wife and her best friend on Sat (girlfriend is Jenny - wife is Samantha)
Jenny: What time did you stay till last night
Samantha: I didn't stay much later than you -- I was a good girl in case you were checking
Jenny: Hey Raul seemed really interested in you last night
Samantha: I was quite aware of that if he had asked me back to his apartment one more time ....... I don't remember the last time I blushed.
Jenny: I know .... Hmmm .... you might have enjoyed it.
Samantha: I am sure I would have, but then I would have to think about seeing him afterwards. That's what is usually so akward.
Jenny: Yes I see
Samantha: I don't think I want to have sex without dating someone first.
Jenny: Yeah I think he was just interested in sex.
Samantha: Although it would be nice to just kiss someone.... I sound so pathetic
Jenny: No you don't
Samantha: Thanks are you with your inlaws
This text was in reference to Friday night -- it seems like she is living a single life looking to date someone which I don't understand -- why isn't she divorcing me already -- how do I let her keep going out looking to hook up and just sit by - according to DB is this what I should do ??? I really don't like her going out and getting drunk with people who are supporting her to cheat -- how do I handle this ???
She's having "fun". She's single like one of her single friends.
If your wife is in MLC, then you need to slow down, and take a breath or 10...the infidelity advice is different in the MLC area because there are different motivations and such at play.
Cadet should be around with a welcome post and CRITICAL info links.
You have a child, so this is your most important consideration...what effect will my actions or decisions (kick W out, or not, etc) have on him?
Don't act on this right now...read DR/DB, learn all your can about MLC first. Foremost, work on you and be the best father to your son, he needs YOU 150% there for him right now.
Sorry you are here, welcome to the jungle of mlc, you have some great people here to help you!
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
The first thing you should do is be sure to read the Divorce Remedy book by MWD, Divorce Busting is also an excellent book.
Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support)
I have read a good deal of books on the subject and can give you some suggestions when you are ready.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
I will give you a bunch of homework assignments to read. This is my ultra brand new and improved list of link
Now you have all the tools to read. Let us know how your doing and if you have any questions.
I suggest that you read the entire thread in the resources. You can also pick out some people and read their whole story.
The stages of MLC as rewritten by HB from Jim Conway are a template which can only be laid over an MLCer's experience retrospectively. It's impossible to see the pattern until it has finished being laid or the crisis is complete.(nickel Cyrena). So do not be too concerned where your MLC'er is in this process. (Although my general guess is that they are in REPLAY)
Depression is the key to the whole thing and it is always present!
Believe none of what she says and 50% of what she does.
I would not ask her anything unless you can have no expectations. Sometimes asking them questions will be thought of as pressure. You do not want to do anything that can be thought of by your W as controlling or pressure.
Lets not worry about her. Lets work on you! Start your homework assignments. Something to DO while you are on moderation. GAL. Eat, sleep and take a deep breath. In general take care of your self first. Detach the single most important thing to DO.
Your W has given you a gift THE GIFT OF TIME use it wisely
According to my H, we are separated (in house, separate bedrooms, like your W), thus he can do whatever he likes. He has registered on various dating sites and is "dating". I don't know how far these dates go, but I'm not going to find out. I am actively seeking divorce myself.
Your W may think this is her sitch, that she is separated therefore not married to you except for the actual paper.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
According to my H, we are separated (in house, separate bedrooms, like your W), thus he can do whatever he likes. He has registered on various dating sites and is "dating". I don't know how far these dates go, but I'm not going to find out. I am actively seeking divorce myself.
Your W may think this is her sitch, that she is separated therefore not married to you except for the actual paper.
If your going to be done anyway, maybe do exactly what they are doing. Date some people that you like, let it go the full mile if you think it's worth it. It makes the WAS actions seem less important to them. When you mirror them it drives them crazy, it's like "how could she do this to me?".
Right now you are doormatted against your will, there is nothing you can say, but you can do something. You wouldn't do the same thing for revenge, but you have needs that aren't being met, and it is true.
if he had asked me back to his apartment one more time ....... I don't remember the last time I blushed.
