Do I want a divorce - No. Will I get a d - I' m not too sure. I love my my wife. For all the years I've been DBing I've learned to be a better person. My wife is a good person but, she can't find any time for me. Yes, there are times we do things together. Except I am the last person to do anything with on her list. To be blunt about it her friends come before me. DBing has taught me to accept this fact. MC has reminded me that I need to DB more.
Maybe you can understand what I am trying to say or maybe it's unclear. For me I see a divorce in my future. With all the DBing I've been doing I can accept it. With all the MC sessions I will learn to deal with my decision. I still and always will Love my wife. She was an important person in my life.
So why will i not get a d? Simple. I still Love her. I've replaced my negative feelings with actions. She doesn't want to spend time with me, then I visit my new friends. This helps me cope with my feelings of being abandoned. If she graces me with her some of her (sarcasm) time. I accept what she is willing to give.
When the time comes she will see someone who she thought was weak be stronger. If I don't D then I've somehow become complacent. Which really is the modern version of nivanna. Still in the same old stich, except being able to deal with it and somehow find happiness.
What you have learned is fantastic. I am glad you have come so far. There are ways to take it to the next level...are you working with a DB coach? If you aren't and would like more information, please call me. There is also a $30 discount available for coaching. Take good care.
Karen, Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 karen@divorcebusting.com
Give me a call if you'd like to schedule an appointment to speak with a Divorce Busting® Coach.
I just never wanted you to assume that DBing meant settling for less...for the rest of your life.
It's not about that. It can be about accepting less for awhile...my fear was that you were one of the ones that got stuck and somehow infered that as long as you were married you were happy in your miserabliness. : )
I am glad that it doesn't seem to be the case.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
My wife is out tonight with the person who I thought to be the OM in her life. He moved away with his family a few years ago. I called my wife because she planned for our daughter to stay the night over a friends house. This man drove a huge wedge between my R with my wife. Now he's back
It's been so many years. What did I ever do in my life? I have such a bad marriage. It's time to move on so why can't I? I wish people would stop telling me if they were in my stitch they just leave. Why aren't they in my stitch?
What got to me was the OM moved away. He came back to visit and my wife has been spending a lot of time with him. This brought back painful memories to me.
This morning I told her I don't think I'll be able to make it till our daughter is eighteen. I don't think she cared.
In my case I was the one who filed for the D. I felt like my health was suffering from the strain of just not knowing what was next for me. I felt (feel) very abandonded.
It sounds like you are doing the right things. Only you know when you have had enough. My D is final, and I still love my X. But he has nothing but contempt for me. And I couldn't continue staying married to him for that. He had some crazy exit plan based on getting the D when our house sold. Well it took 5 months to do an uncontested D. So I am glad I didn't go along with his plan.
Does your W want to stay together 'til your D is 18? Is she WAW in waiting?
It sounds like you have made tons of changes. Stick with it. But take care of yourself. You deserve to be happy.
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
It's time to move on so why can't I? I wish people would stop telling me if they were in my stitch they just leave.
That's the world we live in. Divorce is the answer to every little problem. Marriages are disposable. Just tell people that you are standing and you would appreciate it if they would support your position instead of giving you contrary advice. Most will honor your request. If some don't, then quit talking to them about it.
Originally Posted By: Fixer
Why aren't they in my stitch?
Many of them will be. I used to read about marriage problems and think "thank goodness my marriage is so strong!" I'm sure they're thinking the same thing. Little do many of them know what awaits them.
I have a lot of respect for you dude...YOu have been around a while and have, at least IMO, given it your all.
I am not here to tell you what to do. My only advice...be happy dude, whatever and however that looks like. Life is short man - enjoy it. Enjoy your daughter, enjoy your life.
God willing...you'll be posting about all of the cool stuff you are doing in your life - cause you deserve it.
Peace Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
