It will be no problem for her to turn everything around and make you feel that it's all your fault, even the adultery.
There's nothing wrong with being a laid-back kind of fellow, but it's when you allow that easy-going way to turn into being kind of lazy. You have a woman who likes to boss other people. You allowed her to boss you, while you kept low & quiet, and as a result, she can't stand the sight of you now. Do I need to tell you that women don't like men who let the woman trampled the man down in the ground? And that's exactly what you've done.
Your W is not sexually attracted to you and hasn't been for a very long time. Until you decide to start respecting yourself....she will NEVER be attracted to you. A woman has to respect her H as a man... before she wants to have sex with him. So, forget C for her. Get it for yourself and start GAL and working on you.
I am not trying to be unkind, but I'm telling you from my heart what a woman needs. She needs a man who will stand up to her. Do you know what I mean by that statement? You do not have to act like a bully or a pig, just act like a man should act. You are the head of the family. She wants you to be the leader. How can you be a leader if you let her boss you around? I guarantee you that she doesn't talk to you with much respect, either. Is that what you want your girls to think about men? They will grow up to treat their H’s the way they have watched you being treated. As a by-product of watching all of this, they too will lose respect they otherwise could have for their dad. It’s not too late. But you will have to work really hard.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I'm so sorry to hear your sitch took a turn for the worse, HH. If I were you I'd try to leave her be for a while. Then when she did contact me, I wouldn't accept the blame for everything, only for the things where I know I failed. Stand up to her and let her know half of this mess is her fault too. I'm wishing you the best.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Hello All . What a week . Some of my posts dont seem to have been posted so i'll just do a quick re-cap . Last friday my W went to a comedy concert out of town . We were both supposed to go , but about 3 weeks ago she said she'd askedher girlfriend from work to go as she was at a low ebb .I was very hurt by this but said well they're your tickets so take who you like . Last thursday the night before i asked where they were staying , just polite in normal conversation . She said " oh just a cheapy hotel near the centre , you know ". That night when she'd gone to bed , i checked her email , she didnt know i had guessed the password .Anyway i saw a hotel conformation for a hotel room in a really fancy hotel , king size bed 2 adults , to a mans name from her work . The conformation was under his name . There was nothing really explicit in the email itself , it actually looked quite business like . I stupidly confronted her as i was heartbroken , she said that her friend who she was going with (the girl ) knows this man and as hes a big shot manager gets great business rates for hotels , but its a bit naughty because this wasnt business so they could all get into trouble if it came out . She point blank refuses that she is having an affair , even swearing on our childrens lives . that was that . I said i needed proof that her and the girl were going so asked for photos of them at the venue and the hotel room . She did this .(part of me wonders wheather she had to rope this girl in at the last minute to go with her story on the friday ) When she came back on saturday , she told another lie about how she got there . I knew she'd got a lift down on the friday after work presumably with her friend but got the train back on saturday . She said she got the train down aswell , which was a lie . She says she lied about it because that was her original plan which she told me before , about getting the train . She said she lied about the hotel because she knew i'd hit the roof if i knew it was booked in a mans name . Shes very frightened of me ringing this man who she claims she hardly knows as it would get the 3 of them into trouble and she could lose her job . I wonder if its because she doesnt want her affair being exposed? So i dont know what to think is she ? , isnt she ? We argued on sunday and she left with our D's to go to her friends house . We ve spoken quite a bit this week , she was very angry initially but has calmed down a bit know . Tonight we are forced to share our house together for 1 night since it all happened . She is very reluctant , i can understand why things are very volitile at the mo . We are still going to councelling next friday together , but she says that she just wants to be on her own , although she will listen and talk to the councellor . She says she just doesnt love me , its all her fault . When i asked if the councellor could fix our marriage or help us go our separate ways what would she prefer , she said to fix the marriage , but they cant garantee that and she cant change her feelings. Theres been other little things to , classics like sexier underwear , i see she bought some on the monday before the concert , she says it was cheap , and the receipt says its cheap to . But i cant help wondering now . Do i ask her about the stuff she bought on monday , she doesnt know i know that . Man my mind is all over the place, need some guidance . I hope everyone else is keeping strong Talk soon HH
Right she says its the whole sex , dont find me sexually attractive thing . Loves me as a person , says she'll never have sex with me again . Used to be in love , but isnt now , no chemistry . Thats the main hub of the problem. Any advice ? hh
She says theres never been anyone while we're together . But does find other people attractive . But not me . Lovely bloke , no chemistry anymore and she wants more from life . I stil find her extreamley atractive and obviously want that sort of R , with her .
Right she says its the whole sex , dont find me sexually attractive thing . Loves me as a person , says she'll never have sex with me again . Used to be in love , but isnt now , no chemistry . Thats the main hub of the problem. Any advice ? hh
As long as she is looking at other, she will not find you sexually attractive. You do have an option for busting the affair at least, but i sounds like she communicated to you that she is going to go on about her way anyway.
She says theres never been anyone while we're together . But does find other people attractive . But not me . Lovely bloke , no chemistry anymore and she wants more from life . I stil find her extreamley atractive and obviously want that sort of R , with her .
What was your chemistry before? Are there new interests and things that you guys can connect on?
She will say anything and make all kind of excuses and have a ton of reasons why your wrong. She's gonna start convincing you that your paranoid (paranoia is there for a reason).
Check out the term gaslighting before you start doubting yourself. I started too and it took a lot out of me.
Accept and pick yourself up and work on you. Your a man not a doormat.
I genuinely mean this. Good luck, stay strong font start believing her or second guessing yourself. Detach now before ya get too deep into the mess of a wife lying about an affair. She'll do and say anything to keep it going.
Kevin
Me-38W-28. M-2 1/2. Together-7 years OM-14/4/12 Told M in trouble-17/4/12 BD-5/6/12 S-5/6/12 ProofOM-17/06/12 Start to change me-31/08/12 EA+PA-14/04/12-now
She will say anything and make all kind of excuses and have a ton of reasons why your wrong. She's gonna start convincing you that your paranoid (paranoia is there for a reason).
Check out the term gaslighting before you start doubting yourself. I started too and it took a lot out of me.
Accept and pick yourself up and work on you. Your a man not a doormat.
I genuinely mean this. Good luck, stay strong font start believing her or second guessing yourself. Detach now before ya get too deep into the mess of a wife lying about an affair. She'll do and say anything to keep it going.
