3 years aftet D-Day and i finally registet

[25yearsmlc]

Question?

She is supposed to stop by the house tonight to visit our son.

Do i tell her she looks pretty or some other such compliment?

If there is some obvious change, like a new haircut, you MIGHT say something. But I'd be reticent. I would NOT go overboard. Also I do not know her love language. If it is words of affirmation, go ahead and say ONE compliment but it must be genuine. Nothing fake.

It must be subtle enough that it does not come off as pursuit AND you must NOT expect anything in return. IF this is behavior she needed from you but did not get, it will take a long time before she believes it's real. The more you expect to get something from it, the more "tactical" it will look and the less sincere or lasting or real.



At what point do i ever broach the subject about going back to marriage counseling or a seminar retreat such as Retrovaille?

You do not. SHE must. Why? B/C she's actively dating OM.

There's not much to discuss in mc, if there's a third party in the marriage.



Or, just be a good parent trying to encourage proper co-parenting?


YES^^^...and a happy upbeat person with a lot of FUN EXCITING things to do in your life. Be busy, for real. We hammer the GAL, b/c we know it helps. A lot...

After all, i do believe she is seeing someone else regularly now.

you "believe" or you "know"? There's a big difference. But either way, do not pursue her at this time.

The one thing that's NOT typical of a WAW in your sitch, is that she has left you AND her only child. That's odd.

That's more about HER than the marriage. So work on you but back off. We have to hope she gets the help she needs. She KNOWS HOW to get help, doesn't she?

I mean, she's been to AA and it helped her. So she knows resources exist.

Do i ever ask about her other relationship?

Ed

you only ask if SHE asks about working on the r. Then you ask "but is there OM? B/C if there is, we can't really do much mc..."

AND

re: Retrovaille - the folks there won't have you attend if another party is in the marriage. They interview you first on the phone, separately to make sure you each have the right mindset. No other parties in the m, is part of that mindset.

Hope this helps.