First, I'm very sorry to hear you've suffered for so long. No one deserves this, but most of us can relate to your misery. It will be hard for you to believe this right now, but it DOES get better. You WILL be your old self again. Quit dwelling on H and work on yourself, that's the key.
Originally Posted By: Snookee
So why, why can't I go one day without this pain and crying about this? I count the weeks (21 so far) and I go out with friends now but I still am so hurt by everything that it consumes me. I was calling and begging for a long time but I've stopped that now. Now what? The kids don't want to see me sad all the time either.
If you're still in this state after 5 months then I'd say there's a very good chance you are clinically depressed. I hate recommending med's to anyone, but in your case it may be warranted. I went through severe depression and anxiety after BD and got on med's and they have helped immensely. I went from being a totally unfunctional disaster to being my old self in just a few weeks. I hope to get off the med's once my sitch stabilizes, but for now I'm sticking with them. You should definitely discuss this with you PCP and see what they recommend.
You have absolutely got to stop the begging/ pleading, that is just driving H away. It's pressure, and he doesn't want pressure. Read DB and/ or DR and make a list of 180's. Work on yourself. Your H may be in MLC, so you can only give him space and time for him to resolve his issues.
