I'd say 3 years is too long to let this continue affecting you to the point that it's harming your finances. You've got to detach in a major way and pursue your own life. She is probably in MLC compounded by alcoholism. Sounds like her mom's death may have triggered depression and unhappiness which she then blamed on you. If given enough time she could sort this out, but the alcohol may be preventing her from seeing clearly enough to do that. She sounds like a trainwreck, you can't do anything but work on yourself and let her sort things out for herself.
I miss my wife still. She seems to have gotten on with her life, while i screwed up mine, and even now i still cling to hope that she will find herself again to be the loving wife and mom that she was for the 1st 8 years together.
So, now that she is back to her school bus driving job i know she will not go out drinking as much as she did in the summer months.
So, she will get sorted out better, but with a different guy and i am left in a state of shambles with a big hole to dig out of.
She desired our family so much at one time.
Ed
Me, 55 W, 36 T, 10 yrs S-9 M, 8 yrs 1st D-Day, 9-27-2009, With 1st bf, ea/pa 2nd D-Day, 12-5-2009, With her best friends bf, ea/pa W, AA relapse early 2009-Current W moved out 2-16-2012 New OM 5-2012
