I had a crazy day today. I was allowed to go into the NICU and meet my friends new baby. He is up to 3 lbs 8 ox. He was born at 3 lbs 2 oz. I only stayed about 15 minutes. I was overwhelmed and didn't want to cry and upset my friend.

I took a photo of my friend, her H and her mom who is also my friend. And my friend said that it was their first family photo. And I just broke up.

Both my boys spent in-patient time as small children with bad asthma. (Is there good asthma?) I don't know what was up with me.

I called my best friend from high school, and she opinioned that because I was a preemie myself that maybe it brought back some sort of super-early memories. I don't know, but I was driving away from the hospital thinking I should have turned around and went to the ER because I was in a full blown panic-attack, chest pains, feeling awful.

I did deep breathing and calmed down. I still feel really weird. I ate my dinner late, because I had zero appetite, but my stomach was growling. I guess I will do some yoga and hope I calm down.

So I guess I need to go see the baby every day. Smile at fear and step on it, right?

Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32
D final 9/12
Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!