I posted a response to your thread a few days ago, but it never made it out of the moderation queue apparently. I've gone over 100 posts now so my posts should show up instantly from now on.
First, you suggested your wife may in an MLC, but based on your description of how neither of you was speaking the other's love language it's more likely a case of WAW. That's a lot easier to deal with in my opinion because MLCers are totally unpredictable and can take years to come out of the tunnel. WAW's respond much better to DB techniques, but don't expect a quick turnaround, it takes months or even a year or more of hard work before they start to change their minds.
But these forums (and the books and DB coaches) can give you something you won't find anywhere else, and that is hope! Friends, family and even counselors will tell you to move on, that it's done. Not true. It's not done until you say it is. There are many documented reconciliations here, some took place in weeks, some took years but the majority seem to fall in the 6-9 month range.
OK, so clearly you've read the 5LL, that's good. Have you read DB and/ or DR? If so, don't stop. Keep reading them over and over. Take stock of what you did or didn't do that contributed to your wife being ready to walk and do 180's on those things. Don't ask your W to change and don't expect her to. Concentrate on you. Don't tell her you're changing, words are cheap. Do it and she'll notice. Make permanent changes, and wait for the seeds to grow. Understand that your W will not ackowledge your progress. Understand that she'll say terrible, ugly things like she doesn't love you, it's over, she's not happy, quit trying, give her up. Those are her emotions talking. Don't try and reason with her, when you do you are disagreeing with her emotions and that is BAD. Her emotions are guarding the door in the wall she's built around herself, argue with them and they add another padlock to the door. Validate her emotions, say things like "it sounds like you are angry and frustrated, I'm sorry you feel that way." You're validating without agreeing or disagreeing. It'll diffuse the situation when she feels like you're both on the same side. Don't argue! We all want to "talk sense" into our wives, that may have worked (or more accurately, "seemed" to have worked) in the past but it won't work now or probably ever again. You can be right or you can be happily married. I wish someone had told me that 10 years ago!
Print out the list of 34 DB tips and read them several times a day until they are on your heart. It'll make it a lot easier to respond to what your wife says/ does when you can instantly recall most of those tips.
And if you're spiritual, pray, pray, pray! Never disregard the power of prayer
