So, I guess I don't have a transparency plan. I have her telling me stuff and showing me stuff. The major problem that I had was that she has a work email, phone, and internet devices which I don't have access to. This is really not something I can change. What I have is her word that she has ended this affair (which is of course worth piss all in wake of her betrayal) and the changes in her attitude toward me, which are strong tells. Do I know she has ended the affair? No I don't. I know that all outward signs of the affair have ended and she is telling me and everyone else she has ended it; Even those that she doesn't know I am speaking with. And she is not good at keeping a secret. (her affair lasted six weeks before I caught on, but it was all online and phone calls before one physical encounter, her behavior toward me was the tell there as well.) But second. I don't want to keep pestering her about this affair. She claims to want to work on us. I could demand transparency in all things, but that would seems both like a weak move and a desperate one. I'm not the police and she is not a criminal. If she wants to tie her own rope, it will come out in the wash, and that will be that. Meanwhile, you say supplication is weak. See the above for another weak move. (but it may be something I ask for again if I feel it necessary) I have freely admitted to her that I have been absent from our home life. I hadn't done our laundry in the four years of our marriage and maybe for the greater majority of our relationship before that. Yes I have done a 180 by picking up on the chores. I was furthermore, depressive and negative quite a lot of the time and obsessed with my work. I have shifted focus toward my family and have made a constant effort to point out the positives rather than the negative. She claims that she doesn't know if she can love me like she should, which bothers me, because in Michele's book that is one of the signs that she is still having an affair. Or it could just be too early and that she is still resolving feelings from this affair. (more on the affair partner as needed.) These are my concerns. And I am still hoping to get past them sooner rather than later. But judging from some of the other posts on this forum, many of you have been at this for months or years,and many of your stories seem much more unbearable then mine as well. Those of you who have fought through this toward a better marriage have shown great strength and that is why I am here.
