Tomorrow is a New Day

[hopefulinga]

I guess I got too happy. Tonight was down the hill of the roller coaster. Time to pull back. I'm going to have to re-read LRT and probably employ some because I am having a hard time pulling back and detaching when I have to deal with H.

H came home on time and seemed ok. During dinner, I talked to him about what the repair guy said about our dryer, which was don't waste time repairing it, get a new one. I explained this to H and got no comment. I asked him what he wanted me to do and he said he didn't care. I told him that I wanted his input before I did anything, as he told me he didn't want to fix it himself. He asked me how much one cost and I told him, then he asked about the repair price which was 1/2 of the cost of the new one. Then it all spewed from there.

In a very aggitated manner, he told me to go ahead and buy a new one so that I could take it with me when I left. He then said that I should buy a new washer while I was at it, and buy the top of the line and spend thousands. He then said, do like you always do, buy new and pile the old up at the curb that has nothing wrong with it (exageration). Then he told me to replace all of the appliances in the house. I started to shut him out at this point. He said something about me spending and spending, blah blah blah. Pretty funny from a guy who has spent close to $25K on motorcyles and accessories in the past 3 motnhs.

I remained calm through out and told him that I was sorry that I upset him and could understand how he felt the way he did. I also told him that my intention was not to upset him and that I had no problem repairing the dryer and had not intended to buy anything expensive if that is the way we went. My DB coach said to try to be funny, but I got caught off guard and froze up. I was overthinking what I should say to not further fuel the fire.

The final comment was "We should just burn the house down so we have nothing to split."

And all of this was infront of our D. The good news is that I didn't cry. I'm more angry than I am upset because he was being an a$$hat and totally insane.

Right now my only support is my mom, so I called her and got some reassurance. I then read some more codependent no more and a book of emergency prayers.

Most of what he said is completely contrary to our original D talks, which were I could have anything in the house I wanted, he would buy me new applicances, etc.

I pretty much steered clear of him for the rest of the night. I had to ask him if he saw the insurance cards I put on his desk and he said no and I that I should not put anything in all of the clutter in our house and that I should leave it somewhere out in the open. I told him that I understood that frustrated him and that I would leave it on the counter (and pointed because I was standing there).

I almost want to laugh right now. But I'm sure in the morning I will feel different.

Even after I confronted him on Monday, we were interacting fairly well, but not perfect. I don't know if POW is egging him on, or if he is pulling away and this is some of the grieving. He didn't say D but said everything else around it. First time since 7/30/12 the talk has gone this route.