So here's my story part 2

[tori2012]

I agree with Denver. It's funny to see how we are all bound to react in the same way to the same situation--like your W being nicer now that you've conveyed it's okay to move on. Maybe it's what my coach said, that once the WAS feels free, they can relax enough to get closer to the LBS.

Keep up the good work!

[afa75]

Denver, thanks friend. I've been missing your wisdom.
Tori, yes, it's wierd. The WAS have their script, and evidently so do we.

So here's an email that I received shortly ago. I read it, as I had the curiosity and strength to try and see what it is was about.

"Hi,

I realize you don’t like getting these emails at work, but honestly we have kids crawling all over us all hours of the day. Maybe we can chat about the contents of this email later, but I need to spew it here, so stop reading now if you don’t want to look at this at work.

Several items

I need a bed. Do you know what your face and arms look like when you sleep on that couch for extended amounts of time? I wake up looking like I’ve spent the night in a waffle iron. Are you willing to help me get a bed? I do not want to take time out of your weekend, but I wanted to go to IKEA this weekend. I will probably have to go Saturday in the morning because my guess is that I’m watching NIECE on both Friday and Saturday evening. Can we switch vehicles so you can still do your own thing? Neither Dad, SD’s or BFF’s truck will make it out there, and I know OM has a truck and would help me, but I won’t have to go there unless you refuse to help me.

I want to purchase a headboard and frame for me and then a bunk bed and one twin mattress for the boys. I will also have to purchase a twin bed set for one of the boys too. S2 may be cool with dinos and S7 may be in need of another one. I am willing to go to the little place NEAR HOME to look for mattresses and I could do that Friday after school or even in the afternoon, but I am hesitant and you know why (BED BUGS). I realize that this may be a good 500 expense, but at this point I want to get separate houses and maybe if we had separate bedrooms and I felt like I actually had a place to sleep I may feel a bit different.

Lawyers – not seeing one this week. There’s too much going on.

House scenarios.

Please let me know which of these scenarios would work best for you and you have to choose one.
A -You keep the house and buy me out of the equity.

B -I keep the house and buy you out of the equity.

C - We sell the house (could take up to three or more years) and split the profit. At some point during this scenario we will probably move and one or the other will be responsible for the mortgage. The one living in the house is responsible, but that would have to be written into the decree.

D- One of us stays in the house while it is on the market and the other moves out. Once the house sells, the profit (if any) is split.

Dog -I say we get one…soon."

My gut response / somewhat thought of response is to lend her my truck as a friend. She does seem to be trying to back me into the corner though by using OM. (Side note--OM lives 3 hours away, IKEA is an 1 hr each way from our house. W has said OM doesn't have a car / truck of his own, I've made it clear that he is not allowed at our house again provided I live there). As far as all the purchases, where will that money come from? Our joint acct or hers that she intends on setting up. Rightfully, it shouild be from hers.
I do must admit, I do like the idea of her "feeling different if she had more space," or is that simply a ploy.
I say a ploy as she quickly jumps to lawyers and possible sell of the house. How come she is making me choose. She choose this scenario. I can narrow down the choices for her, as I'm not going to buy her out. Per my L, unless it's written in a decree, we are both still responsible for the mortgage payment regardless if someone lives outside of the home.
Again the dog thing? How come she is all of a sudden so pro-dog? She's been dragging her feet with that idea for more than 6 months. Now that she has an interest, does that mean if we do D, that we'll have joint custody of the dog???

I'm not panicking about all of this, as I probably would have, but again, definitely want some guidance in how to prepare for this discussion.

Thanks in advance 8)

[Denver_2010]

WTF? Seriously... the behavior of the WAW is truly amazing sometimes.

For now, don't respond to that email afa. F her. Sorry to be harsh, but that email would have p!ssed me off had my W sent it.

I will respond in more detail later. Have to run to a court appearance for a client right now.

Denver

[bustingout]

(((((afa75))))))

[afa75]

Haven't responded. I"m learned that much from you all 8)
I'll keep my eyes out for your response Denver.
Thanks (((Busting)))

[tori2012]

Good job not responding to the email. Here is my 2 cents:
-You should not discuss any division of assets yet, bc this will hurt the negotiation process (if you end up getting a D.)I would put down what I want and keep it to myself.
-Given the current sich, the in-house separation sounds like a horrible thing to me. Is there any way she can move somewhere else? The SIL's? When she says "I might feel a bit different" she means that she would feel more comfortable with the in-house separation. How is this important? DK. Maybe she would be less stressed out and her back less sore, so she would sleep better and think more rationally.
-Dog. My H wanted to get me a dog before he moved out so it would "keep me company." I ended up being allergic to it, but he went to see the dogs with me, bought all the dog stuff, etc. He said the dog would be a good excuse to come see me. Whatever. As you can see, WAS's think in weird ways.
- I would just tell her that once she moves out, you can each write what you want financially and discuss it once the D is in progress. Delay those conversations as much as possible, but think about what you want now, so you're ready.
Good luck, my friend. You're doing great.
Tori

[Denver_2010]

"Hi,

I realize you don’t like getting these emails at work, but honestly we have kids crawling all over us all hours of the day. Maybe we can chat about the contents of this email later, but I need to spew it here, so stop reading now if you don’t want to look at this at work.

Several items

I need a bed. Do you know what your face and arms look like when you sleep on that couch for extended amounts of time? I wake up looking like I’ve spent the night in a waffle iron. Are you willing to help me get a bed? I do not want to take time out of your weekend, but I wanted to go to IKEA this weekend. I will probably have to go Saturday in the morning because my guess is that I’m watching NIECE on both Friday and Saturday evening. Can we switch vehicles so you can still do your own thing? Neither Dad, SD’s or BFF’s truck will make it out there, and I know OM has a truck and would help me, but I won’t have to go there unless you refuse to help me.

"W - You are right, I would prefer not to receive these emails while I am at work. There is nothing about any of this that could not be discussed at a more appropriate time.

I understand that you need a bed, and I'm willing to help you move it, but I think that you should hold off until you have found a place to live. I don't see the sense in having to move it twice."

She is using the threat of OM to manipulate you, but I would help her unless it is truly putting you out.

I want to purchase a headboard and frame for me and then a bunk bed and one twin mattress for the boys. I will also have to purchase a twin bed set for one of the boys too. S2 may be cool with dinos and S7 may be in need of another one. I am willing to go to the little place NEAR HOME to look for mattresses and I could do that Friday after school or even in the afternoon, but I am hesitant and you know why (BED BUGS). I realize that this may be a good 500 expense, but at this point I want to get separate houses and maybe if we had separate bedrooms and I felt like I actually had a place to sleep I may feel a bit different.

"You do need to find a new place to live as long as you are still in contact with OM and unwilling to work on this M."

Lawyers – not seeing one this week. There’s too much going on.

"Let me know when you do. I don't agree with you on the options that you listed in your email, but it makes no sense in discussing it until we both have had a chance to speak with a lawyer and learn what our options and responsibilities are legally."

Dog -I say we get one…soon."

"I am not willing to get a dog at this point. I may get one for D and I once you have moved out. Talk to you soon."

My gut response / somewhat thought of response is to lend her my truck as a friend.

Nothing wrong with that.

She does seem to be trying to back me into the corner though by using OM.

No question that she is. It is inappropriate and b.s.

As far as all the purchases, where will that money come from? Our joint acct or hers that she intends on setting up. Rightfully, it shouild be from hers.

Ask her. And don't agree to anything that you are not okay with.

I do must admit, I do like the idea of her "feeling different if she had more space," or is that simply a ploy.

Why do you like that? It is just another manipulative statement. A ploy as you say. Let her move out and see what life will be like on her own. Let her have an opportunity to see both paths that she has created for herself... and to choose.

That's my 2 cents afa.

Denver

[afa75]

Thanks all for the input.

Her standard response when I say "move out," is that she takes 2 of 3 kids to scjool; and then normally takes care of them for about 3 hours until I get home from work. She's on the same schedule as them as she is a teacher. How do I rebut that? So far I have not been effective.

[Denver_2010]

Thanks all for the input.

Her standard response when I say "move out," is that she takes 2 of 3 kids to scjool; and then normally takes care of them for about 3 hours until I get home from work. She's on the same schedule as them as she is a teacher. How do I rebut that? So far I have not been effective.

I don't understand? So what?

[afa75]

I don't know. That's her justification for not moving out herself. I've told I can make other arrangements and what not, yet she refuses to leave and actually take the space she claims she wants. So I dunno.