I'd say 3 years is too long to let this continue affecting you to the point that it's harming your finances. You've got to detach in a major way and pursue your own life. She is probably in MLC compounded by alcoholism. Sounds like her mom's death may have triggered depression and unhappiness which she then blamed on you. If given enough time she could sort this out, but the alcohol may be preventing her from seeing clearly enough to do that. She sounds like a trainwreck, you can't do anything but work on yourself and let her sort things out for herself.