Thanks AS. I appreciate the 2x4. I have read 5LL and use it regularly....I pretty much recommend that one to everyone, even folks I talk to who aren't having problems. Wish I had read it 20 years ago!
You're right on the validating. Explaining was something new I was trying to see if it helped her....it didn't, so back to validating. And when I start to run out of patience, I need to just take a walk.
I will say that I learned quite a bit from her yesterday and the fact that she apologized is a baby step in the right direction. She also told me she hadn't accepted responsibility for her own actions and explained some of that, so that shows me that she is working thru some of our issues on her own...another baby step. I also learned about some of her deep wounds she's struggling with, so will try to use that information in coordination with her LL and see how that goes.
I have tried to avoid any kind of pursuit for a long time now, but I'm almost feeling like I'm getting to the point where maybe I should try some. I said something to her like "I want to tell you how much I love you and hug you every time I see you" and that really seemed to have a positive impact on her. Of course, tell her ties in to her LL, so it makes sense.
Our evening yesterday was truly amazing, so I'm going to try to keep that going.
