About to separate....

[dorightman]

Talked today in a calm way. She just got a new job and she is happy about it. It will give us health insurance for half of what we pay now, so she feels great about being able to contribute. But she said she also feels sad about our current sitch. I asked why and she said that in the past when we where under financial stress, I told her that she wasn't able to help and she told me that she was working towards helping out financially in the future, she's in grad school, and I said thats not going to help us pay the bills today, but I'll believe it when I see it. Now that she's able to contribute, she feels sad that I couldn't see the forest from the trees in the past and she resents me for it. Well I just said that I'm sorry for what I said to her in the past, that I was under such heavy financial strain that I couldn't deal. I was afraid that we would lose the house and I was acting under fear, but it was real because I could see that within a couple of months we wouldn't be able to pay our mortgage. This was also at the time when millions of people where losing their houses and i was losing my mind. I asked her to try to put herself in my shoes and feel what it felt like to be the only bread winner in the family and see yourself failing in that role. It was too much for me to handle at the time. She says that i put money before her, but that just wasn't true. I felt like I was trying to take care of the family and failing. I closed down, shut off emotionally, became depressed, said mean things that I didn't mean, bla,bla,bla...It [censored] that she is holding on to all that negative stuff from the past. I hope she can get past it, but I don't know. I'm trying very hard to detach and give her her space. I asked her to give us more time to see if her feelings will change because I'am honoring her request for space and I'am detaching as much as possible. Any comments or suggestions will be appreciated.