Breakdown, thanks for your journaling, it's been very interesting reading about your journey! I hope you don't mind a 2x4, but I've noticed that again and again you guys keep engaging in nasty arguments and every time you do it drives your W away and even back to "square 1" as you've mentioned more than once. Don't go down cheeseless tunnels! She's still in a very emotional state, that much is clear. It's incumbent upon YOU to do ALL of the work right now. Don't expect her to meet you halfway. Don't expect her to own up to her part in this. She will in time, but she clearly is not there yet. You've got to quit the arguing and instead validate her feelings and emotions. When she starts to argue, tell her you're sorry she feels that way, and express her emotions back to her- "it sounds to me like you are angry and frustrated, I'm very sorry you feel that way." You're not agreeing or disagreeing, you're validating. It'll immediately diffuse the situation. Have you read the 5 Love Languages? If not then get it right away. Work on filling her love tank, and work on validating her feelings and communicating on more friendly terms, 5LL goes into this in easy-to-understand terms. Quit pushing her buttons, and if she pushes yours then be the force of calm rather than the fuel on the fire. It's never too late for new 180's! Good luck!
