I want to go camping.

[Accuray]

Well I'm not sure it's true that "guys can't handle emotions", I think like anything else there's a spectrum where some guys handle it better than others. My W doesn't handle emotions well and she's a woman.

I think it's very important that your spouse be supportive when you are feeling badly. You need to feel they "have your back", and that you can rely upon them when you need them. That's one of the big benefits you're supposed to enjoy from agreeing to be monogamous.

Of course the cost of enjoying that benefit is that you can't need their support all the time. If you find you're constantly in a bad mood or feeling overwhelmed around them, eventually it's going to drag them down to the point they can't take it anymore. There has to be good to offset the bad, they need the ability to rely upon you as well, and for YOU to be the rock sometimes too.

That's where I think obligation comes in, that if you can't manage your emotions to a "reasonable" level, or if you are sad or angry the majority of the time, you have to help yourself in the interest of helping your marriage.

If you push your spouse to the point that they can't take it anymore, you might feel like they are betraying you, but another way to look at it is that their tank is empty and they don't have any more to give.

If my W comes home and complains about work a couple times a month, I'm happy to listen, be sympathetic, offer a suggestion if she wants one. If she complains about work every week, it's going to start getting tiresome, and if she complains about it every day or multiple times per day it's like "enough already, go get yourself another job, or make some changes at work so you don't feel this way!"

All that being said, there is certainly a population of people who are simply "emotionally unavailable" for a wide variety of reasons, and others who are "emotionally unavailable" to you, but not to everybody.

If you're in THAT situation, then you do have to make a very hard decision about whether you're willing to accommodate the other person's shortcoming or not. If you decide to accommodate it, it's not going to be easy, because at that point you're very much into a "marriage for one". Maybe the other person can be drawn out with therapy if they are willing to change, but if not, I think you have to make a tough decision.

Accuray