Hi Jackie, Been getting settled in a "new" lifstyle myself. I can relate some to how your H is dealing with work stress as this week my position of almost 19 years was officially eliminated after 3 months of training others to do what I did.
Quote: We are falling into old patterns, we are doing some of the old things again ... We go on a family vacation next week that we are all looking forward to. I don't know if I should let this drop and see how it is after we all have a break from daily life or if I should pursue the conversation. What do you think?
Go enjoy your vacation to the fullest ... and on the last day ... make mention how you wish each day could be like this vacation. That could lead into how you are concern that work seems to be wearing him down and how when at home you seem to get in a rut.
This may be a stretch, but when you get back home what if both tried to act "as-if" you are still on an extended vacation? To pull it off, it may only require doing certain aspects that are the norm during a vacation, but are things you may not do very often when at home. Like dining. Pick at least on evening a week to go to a nice restaurant for dinner and/or usually even more uncommon, go out for breakfast in the morning. What are other activities you look to do during a vacation you don't usually do at home? Here's one I have ignored most of my adult life, but have you visited some the local tourist attractions in your "backyard"? Would make for some nice days, even if is might be just having a picnic at the park (i know ... not quite now, but spring is not too far away!) or visiting the local petting zoo. Don't have a zoo? Even just spending an hour or so at a pet store could do the trick or a flea market, antique store just to browse. Last weekend, we went into some furniture stores for the first time in at least ten years.
Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is simply look to do something different that could turn out to be fun and that is basically the concept behind taking a vacation, but is also something that can be done from home too.
Quote: Why do I ask such dumb questions and not just let the actions speak for themselves? I wanted a response that was something along the lines of I'd never want to go back, I want to be here with you, but his mind is probably on the mess and not reassuring me. Later he said something that showed that he is nervous to about my feelings, of wanting him here when he has created such a mess.
Often our S's do "tell" us what we want to hear, but I don't know why it is that we often look for them to tell us in a particular way. Its like we insist on them using a certain vocabulary and if they use a different set of words, we get wrap up in how they expressed the message rather than more importantly what the meaning of the message is.
How they express themselves is as unique as each individual and should be so because it is part of who they are. We have to get better at getting past how they are doing it and learning to hear what they really are saying whether it be in their actions or words.
Have a wonderful vacation ... don't forget to give us an update afterwards.
