What, you aren't goint to the beach with us? I guess that is a good thing if you are peicing, but I will miss you at the beach. Maybe we'll call ya after some tequilla........say around 2am? LOL
Damn it's good to see your sitch going well. Took me a long time to read where I left off but seems your M is great. A 7 out of 10? I wish I were at a 3 right now.
Keep up the good work you've put in. Oh yeah, W and I used to play CD rom games and drink wine for fun. We are very competitive and the games where a low risk way of playing against eachother. We loved it. Too bad we stopped playing.
Anyways, here's a big {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Dags}}}}}}}}}}}}}} cause you need it. Penn State doesn't look that hot this year. LOL Just kidding.
Bero
I believe that dreams are more powerful than facts,that laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death
Sue, I like the idea of treating my inlaws as if I first met them. I'm going to try that, I'm really struggling with the whole thing, yet I don't see them that much, so it shouldn't be as big of a thing as I'm making it. We have a b-day party here in a few weeks and I'll try the new and polite method.
Deb, I sure do find that we are slipping into old habits and need to break them. I find our common interests are things that we do--hike, travel, bike ride, it is the evenings that seem so mundane, need to change that around.
M, as always good to see you! I do forget that they are sensitive, I think the guilt possibly is as hard on them as we could ever be. It is funny that while he was gone I worked real hard at doing my own thing and now that he is back I'm letting some of that slip. Next year S4 will be most likely in an all day kindergarten and that will leave me lots of free time to volunteer and do things for me.
Mal, I keep looking at the Va Beach list and missing you guys. You need to have enough fun that you will want to go in September!
Berto, thanks for dropping by, I have been following your sitch, but you seem to be getting great advice over there on your rollercoaster. Video games could work, we are both very competitive and that is pretty low key. PSU could always surprise us this year (got my rose colored glasses on).
We are falling into old patterns, we are doing some of the old things again. I'm thinking about breaking out DR to get some new ideas. I know we have both improved in telling each other ILY and thanking each other for what they do, so there is some improvement. Must work on the getting out together angle.
I find H is getting drawn right back into the stress at work. It seemed around the beginning of the year he put a huge effort out to put us first and I see that slipping. There is a cost cutting team in right now providing incredible stress and H is working on a project to outsource his entire department, so I know it is stressful. He said he is emotionally drained from work.
I'm trying to understand, but I'm feeling like we come second again, and I don't like that. I was going to talk to him about it last night, but he was tired and cranky and thought I'd use what I learned and not talk at a horrible time.
We go on a family vacation next week that we are all looking forward to. I don't know if I should let this drop and see how it is after we all have a break from daily life or if I should pursue the conversation. What do you think?
Hi Jackie - I vote to wait until after the vacation and see how things are going before having that conversation. Kind of like the sleep-on-it rule! Have a great trip! Know what you mean about seeing glimses of the old patterns - you are doing a great job recognizing them, and taking steps to change your patterns, which is a huge step, I think. (((((((Jackie))))))
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
Jackie, when things get tough remember how you felt when things were sooo much worse. You want this to work! I forgot to do that and my sitch has steadily gone downhill. I am rooting for you! Hugs and prayers, Akgal
You AND your H are going on vacation? That must be the best thing you've heard in a long time. (Yes, this really shows how long I've been on your thread. Sorry ) I remember like it was yesterday that you went to Florida by yourself. Remember what that felt like?
Now hear you are going on vacation together, cherish that feeling. Cherish that feeling that you worked so hard for, that your man WANTS to go with you and the kids. That must feel so good.
Chin up, you've come a long way baby! (OK, the baby part felt right to use but I know it reads kinda corny. LOL)
Berto
I believe that dreams are more powerful than facts,that laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death
Deb & M, I took the advice and let the R talk go and try to look at is from his perspective and all the stuff going on in his life.
Colleen & Berto -- you are right, I need to look at all the good in my life. And Berto, thanks for the laugh. You are right, it wasn't that long ago that he refused to go to FL with us and didn't want a thing to do with us. He planned this trip as a way to say he was sorry and to celebrate us being a family together again. He didn't say the sorry part, but I think I'm looking for words when I should know better and see the actions that are speaking volumes.
I'm so glad I didn't go into the R talk yesterday, we had lunch together and just tried to be upbeat and talk about vacation. Then when H got home from his dinner meeting there was a letter from his apt complex for him. They are charging him 8k for moving out. He gave them two months notice, but now they want a one month penalty for moving out plus the remainder of the lease money now. When he had called about leaving they had told him that if they rented it, he wouldn't have to pay. He has been paying every month, but now they claim they are collecting a debt. One more stress on top of many.
I told him after he read the letter that he is worth the money. He had a really hard time sleeping last night and I know he was down watching tv for a long time. He told me this morning he was surprised I was being so nice about it. I think he is doing all the beating up in his head. Of course, I had asked him why he felt he needed to sign a year lease back then, but I'm not bringing it up now. I did get a bit paranoid and asked since he has to pay for it anyway, did he want to move back in (I didn't sleep much either, so wild thoughts going on), his first response was I can't. Then he said, why would I want to?
Why do I ask such dumb questions and not just let the actions speak for themselves? I wanted a response that was something along the lines of I'd never want to go back, I want to be here with you, but his mind is probably on the mess and not reassuring me. Later he said something that showed that he is nervous to about my feelings, of wanting him here when he has created such a mess.
So more stress to add, we don't have the money to pay up front, I'm hoping he will fight them.
Jackie, everything sounds so promising in your recent posts! If you feel as though you're starting to backslide into old habits, you might still want to attend a retrouvaille weekend. My dh and I are the WORST conflict avoiders and our weekend helped us start to communicate for the first time in our 11 years together. We haven't yet gotten to the conflict handling part of our follow-ups, but the dialogue part really, really was amazing for us to learn.
p.s. -- can someone tell me how I make my link into words and not the whole http address?!?
(((((((Jackie)))))) 
) I remember like it was yesterday that you went to Florida by yourself. Remember what that felt like?