Back to Square One?

[Wendylon]

Divorce Busting has come back into my life recently as I realised that H is behaving very suspiciously and I think there is an OW, once again, eight years on from the last time I was seriously here.

While I practiced DB principles in 2004, it's scary how quickly I let go of them once our M seemed back on track. I'm hopeful though that I will be able to resurrect the principles and bring them back to life pretty quickly this time.

Looking back over the past year, I can see that I have definitely made lots of mistakes. His LL is words of affirmation and I haven't been good with that. I've been critical and fed up with him, for good reason as I see it, but it hasn't helped one little bit. He hasn't been pulling his weight in terms of family responsibilities and he has been pretty grumpy and unpleasant. I had a terrible birthday on August 14 because he took OW to a play on Aug 13 that I thought we were going to go to together. (I can't remember how to link threads but my last one is 'Unilateral Disarmament' with more detail about this incident).

This past week (before leaving for my trip), I have taken the spotlight off of him, and haven't questioned his late home-comings. I think he and OW go out for drinks because he smells of alcohol nearly every day, which he didn't in the past. I just arrived in Montreal to see my grandmother so he's in sole charge of the kids for a week with a fair amount of care that I've organised for S13 (special needs). I didn't feel that I could trust H to attend to all the details. I imagine that H will be out of the house as much as he can be while I'm away. He tends to sleep a lot as well so I didn't want S13 wandering around the house on his own.

I'm away for a week. H hasn't mentioned OW to me since Aug 14 when I was v upset but I know that he is hoping to go on more work-related trips with her and I know he spends lots of time at a community work-place called The Hub, which is where they met. There is a cafe/bar there so I wonder if that is why he comes home smelling of alcohol.

When I confronted him about OW, H said that there was absolutely nothing going on but that obviously he'd noticed that she was attractive. He turned my question around to say that he didn't think we could stay together because I'd never trust him again after his A in 2004. In the meantime, the last time we ML was about a year ago. He's just said that statins have decreased his libido. I don't actually find him very attractive at the moment so it's not really a problem for me.

At one point this year, when we were having a difficult time, he suggested that we wait 3 years (at which point D15 would be off to university) and then see if we wanted to stay together. I wonder if that is his plan--wait it out 3 years.

Here I am in Canada and obsessing about him back in London. Hopefully, I can use this break to re-read MWD's books and prepare myself for how I'll behave on my return.

I haven't heard from him today yet. I don't even know if I should email/text/phone to see how things are going or whether I should wait for him to make contact.

Any advice most welcome.