Tomorrow is a New Day

[hopefulinga]

Thanks, LA. That is very helpful. That has been our routine for years unfortunately. We retreat to our computers, or I would read, watch TV or do a crossword while he is at his computer. Every so often, we will watch tv together. For the most part, it didn't bother me because we were her together and I could talk to him.

The more upsetting part of what happens is that he leaves at about 7 am on Sat and Sun and retreats to his man cave at the airport, and doesn't return until dinner. I do try to go out there when I can, but I really haven't lately.

I've thought more about what POW could be doing that I'm not, and I get conflicted between that and giving him space. I feel like maybe I've given him too much space over the years and haven't shown interest in him or his stuff because I was always too busy with work, activities or our D. And maybe he feels like I've abandonded him which has caused him to more easily develop this friendship.

I know I need to detach more. Today was bad in the feeling clingy and needy department. Maybe it was all of the rain coupled with the reality of our discussion yesterday. I did go to the Y and walked on a treadmill for 30 minutes. I felt better doing that, and feel a little better than I did this am, but not as good as I should be feeling.

I think I was so excited about what happened when he was on that motorcycle ride and how he treated me when he came home. It was like old times. I thought we were at a turning point. And then the crap with this woman came up Tuesday which gave him a reason to call her. That's why I told him it was a bad nightmare that wouldn't go away. And it was a buzz kill.

I don't think my emotions today are because of him or his withdrawing behavior. I think it is soley on me. And maybe it is my one last climb up the mountain before I cliff dive into detachment.

I have no interest in any other man at this point, or finding one. But I am concerned about how I would feel if one showed me attention. I am so reserved and unapproachable, that won't happen right now. However, I have had a ex send me a message wanting to know if I was still married. Good thing he's in NJ.