Acceptance - My next challenge.

[Arsene]

Thanks guys,

I realize the the affair needs to be over before I can even think about planning this sort of weekend retreat. It's just a thought that crossed my mind and that I got toying with. Yes Bill, I did get a bit sentimental over the fact that one of the scheduled programs was on our anniversary but what can I do? I'm a romantic fool.

Bond, re: setting small goals, I haven't posted them but I have been setting small goals all along for myself. They include the following:

• I want to no get angry for a day;
  I haven't been angry in over a week now and I repeat this one everyday.
• I want to no think negative thoughts about my wife;
  I haven't had any of those in about 2 weeks and I still repeat this one everyday.
• I want to stop judging and criticizing;
  I haven't been very good at meeting this one for over 2 weeks
• I want to be more patient and learn how to wait;
  I have been good with this one but I have the occasional relapse when waiting for D8 to get ready to go to school
• I want to be more generous;
  I have tried hard to give more freely, of my time as well as sharing things and money
• I want to spend more time playing with D8;
  I have been setting time to play with D8 (her games-not mine) everyday. It's been a bit more difficult since I started working but I have been successful daily for a long time now.
• I want to not think about OM;
  This has been difficult but again, when ever I have an OM thought, I find ways to chase it so as to not affect my PMA

Recently I visited Zip's thread on goal setting and I have come up with the following:

• 1)I will accept the fact that I cannot control W’s actions;
  a)Whenever I get negative thoughts about what W is doing and how she’s living her life, I will remind myself that there is nothing I can do about it and focus on projects I’ve set for myself (clearing the back yard to build playground, do gardening, build compost bin, landscape backyard, learn new songs for repertoire, write songs, start student club, teach English to local kids).
  b)This will stop me for feeling down and sorry for myself whenever I think about what W is doing and it will give me a push on working on myself.
• 2)I will spend more time interacting in a fun way with D8.
  a)I will set a time everyday when D8 and I do something together. I will look for interesting activities we can do together (making movies with puppets, treasure hunts, flying her kite, riding our bicycles, going to the pool, just playing with her doll house or her train tracks) so that our time together is quality time.
  b)This will help me focus on what is important instead of thinking about my sitch. It will also make sure D8 doesn’t feel let down by her parents.
• 3)I will not get depressed.
  a)Whenever I feel these emotions coming to me for whatever reasons, I will focus on what’s good about my life (D8, my new house, my music, my job, my friends, my meditation classes) and tap into the peace and happiness I have within.
  b)This will allow me to feel upbeat and cheerful most of my days. It will also translate to better PMA when alone and with others, including W and D8.
• 4)I will seek opportunities to meet new people.
  a)I will seek and join clubs and groups (4X4 club, Motorcycle club, Toastmasters) and make an effort to attend meetings no matter how I feel. I will also contact old friends (J, L, T, B,D) and try to re-enter old circles.
  b)This will help me GAL and keep me busy so I won’t be thinking about my sitch all the time.
  
  I know I'm not very good at formulating goals but I've been good at following them (most of the time, anyway)
  
  I have been reluctant to set goals which include some sort of feed back or reaction from my wife. I have seen some of these written by others but i feel that my wife is too unpredictable for me to make proper assessment of what is working and not working.
  
  However, mentally I had wished that W would reconnect with D8 and that she might offer to spend more time doing "family things" with us. Over he last few days she has done both but I refuse to get excited about it because I feel it might not be permanent.
  
  I welcome your comments on these goals Bond (and others too). Thanks.