So my W and I are 3 months into our reconciliation. The last 6 weeks have been more difficult than the first mainly because of wife's work schedule. It is unbelievable how much grading a 7th grade english teacher has! Anyway, it has cut into the amount of quality time that she and I have been able to spend together. Add my SS's problems with school, and it has made it even more stressful.
I guess that we have settled into regular life in a way. For me, that has been a bit difficult. What I learned from my 18 month separation was that my priorities had been skewed prior. I had not put enough time into my family, and way too much time into my work. Now, I am the complete opposite. My W actually made the comment a couple of weeks ago that she is struggling finding the right balance and that she knows that that is what I struggled with before our S. She had just started her teaching job when we separated, so she hadn't had a chance to see how hard it is. I told her that I completely understood, but that I hoped that she would remember that it didn't work for me before, and that it probably won't work for her now.
W was sick this past weekend. I took care of her and spent the entire weekend on the couch with W watching the first 2 seasons of Boardwalk Empire (W wanted to catch up with me so we could watch season 3 together). She is now feeling better and went back to work today. This morning I received the following text from W:
"I want you to know that I love you and I'm happy I'm back home. Thanks for taking care of me while I've been sick."
The text actually caused me to breakdown and cry a little. Out of happiness.
I responded thanking her for telling me that and telling her that her words mean more to me than she probably knows.
Sometimes, what happened with my M still seems surreal... the bad stuff. Sometimes I still can't believe that she left me, and that she made some of the choices that she did during our S.
And then... I think that it is surreal that she is actually back in the home, in our bed. When I first came to this board, I didn't think that I had much of a chance to ever get my W back. To go back and think about that, well, it just seems like a miracle sometimes.
Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Denver these updates that you give are an inspiration to us all. Although each one of us want you to completely focus on your W and M, we still thirst for updates, in hopes that maybe we can achieve what you have worked so hard on for so long. Keep the PMA and good luck.
That’s just awesome Denver. I can see why you would get emotional over that message from your W. I am really happy for you! Once again, thank you for paying it forward!
_________________________________ Freshman class of 2012 Me(M):38 W:43 Together: 15 Married: 11 D:5 S:8 W wanted separation 5/5/12 Stopped living together 5/5/12
“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude”. Thomas Jefferson
So my W and I are 3 months into our reconciliation. The last 6 weeks have been more difficult than the first mainly because of wife's work schedule. It is unbelievable how much grading a 7th grade english teacher has! Anyway, it has cut into the amount of quality time that she and I have been able to spend together. Add my SS's problems with school, and it has made it even more stressful.
I guess that we have settled into regular life in a way. For me, that has been a bit difficult. What I learned from my 18 month separation was that my priorities had been skewed prior. I had not put enough time into my family, and way too much time into my work. Now, I am the complete opposite. My W actually made the comment a couple of weeks ago that she is struggling finding the right balance and that she knows that that is what I struggled with before our S. She had just started her teaching job when we separated, so she hadn't had a chance to see how hard it is. I told her that I completely understood, but that I hoped that she would remember that it didn't work for me before, and that it probably won't work for her now.
W was sick this past weekend. I took care of her and spent the entire weekend on the couch with W watching the first 2 seasons of Boardwalk Empire (W wanted to catch up with me so we could watch season 3 together). She is now feeling better and went back to work today. This morning I received the following text from W:
"I want you to know that I love you and I'm happy I'm back home. Thanks for taking care of me while I've been sick."
The text actually caused me to breakdown and cry a little. Out of happiness.
I responded thanking her for telling me that and telling her that her words mean more to me than she probably knows.
Sometimes, what happened with my M still seems surreal... the bad stuff. Sometimes I still can't believe that she left me, and that she made some of the choices that she did during our S.
And then... I think that it is surreal that she is actually back in the home, in our bed. When I first came to this board, I didn't think that I had much of a chance to ever get my W back. To go back and think about that, well, it just seems like a miracle sometimes.
Denver
You deserve all the good things coming your way, my friend.
It is great to know that you are doing well Denver.
I can relate to some of your post. Especially the part of how this all feels surreal at times.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
A couple of things that I forgot in my last update:
1) several weeks ago, W, out of the blue, just offered up our cell phone online password. For those that don't know, our cell phone plan is in her name and control. She changed the password nearly 2 years ago when I busted her EA with OM and confronted her. I have never asked about it.
2) While I have not used the cell phone password, I have had several opportunities to look at her text messages and her emails. It's almost like my W is leaving her phone there for me to snoop. She types the unlock code right in front of me, never appears to hide the phone, and tends to leave it lying around the house. I know that she knows. In any case, I have seen no sign of OM with anything that I have looked at.
3) She has an inaccurate memory of our 18 months S... extremely inaccurate memory of it. Just little things that happened, times when she was not around because we were not talking and she was off doing her own thing... I won't list them here because they really are of no consequence now. I just find it strange. I just shake my head and say 'okay, if that's the way you remember it'. It is truly as if she was in another world during that time. A different person.
LOL... That is all.
Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
3) She has an inaccurate memory of our 18 months S... extremely inaccurate memory of it. Just little things that happened, times when she was not around because we were not talking and she was off doing her own thing... I won't list them here because they really are of no consequence now. I just find it strange. I just shake my head and say 'okay, if that's the way you remember it'. It is truly as if she was in another world during that time. A different person.
This is really very typical -- it's the "fog" we all talk about here -- but it still kinda creeps me out. Not only does my wife not remember certain things about her affair time (or, like yours, just has a very different version of it), even DURING it, she would do really strange things. Once, during my "re-confrontation" part of my story, I played a recording for her that I had, totally busting her, and demanding that she at least be honest with our adult daughters and her parents, and that she stop lying about me. That regardless of what she thought of ME, or what happened to our marriage, we were still a family and we had always expected honesty in our family, and building co-parenting on a foundation of deceit wouldn't be good for ANYONE.
She listened to her own voice on the CD that I had burned, and said "Who is that?" I told her it was HER, and she looked at me with these blank eyes, and said "No it's not. That's not me!" She finally made me turn it off, but I swear, she was like a different person.
Creepy.
Great stuff on the transparency though, Denver. Great great stuff. She's showing all of the right things.
3) She has an inaccurate memory of our 18 months S... extremely inaccurate memory of it. Just little things that happened, times when she was not around because we were not talking and she was off doing her own thing... I won't list them here because they really are of no consequence now. I just find it strange. I just shake my head and say 'okay, if that's the way you remember it'. It is truly as if she was in another world during that time. A different person.
This is really very typical -- it's the "fog" we all talk about here -- but it still kinda creeps me out. Not only does my wife not remember certain things about her affair time (or, like yours, just has a very different version of it), even DURING it, she would do really strange things. Once, during my "re-confrontation" part of my story, I played a recording for her that I had, totally busting her, and demanding that she at least be honest with our adult daughters and her parents, and that she stop lying about me. That regardless of what she thought of ME, or what happened to our marriage, we were still a family and we had always expected honesty in our family, and building co-parenting on a foundation of deceit wouldn't be good for ANYONE.
She listened to her own voice on the CD that I had burned, and said "Who is that?" I told her it was HER, and she looked at me with these blank eyes, and said "No it's not. That's not me!" She finally made me turn it off, but I swear, she was like a different person.
Creepy.
Great stuff on the transparency though, Denver. Great great stuff. She's showing all of the right things.
Starsky
Man, it IS creepy. About a week ago, she was talking about when my D visited last summer. About being at our house when my D was riding a motor scooter. I was like, "nooo... you were not around last summer. Other than our trip to Disney. You wouldn't come close to the house." She argued with me that she had been around me and my D during the entire visit and had been at the house numerous times. Finally, I just said, "okay. If you say so sweetheart."
Very creepy.
Yes, the transparency stuff is very, very good. Even though she won't admit it, my W understands that I don't trust her like I use to and that I have good reason for that. She knows that she has to rebuild that trust. And for her, having me trust her is of paramount importance. She's just too stubborn and prideful to just come out and admit these things. So I think that I'm just seeing it in the form of actions. Which I am more than fine with.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
