He says that he loves me but that we are fundamentally incompatible, that he just wants to live alone and be himself. He said that he couldn't feel like himself when he lived with me and my girls. For example, once a week my daughters would make brownies and it used to make him so crazy he would threaten to leave. He said that it was junk and couldn't stand to see them eat that stuff and that they would get heavy and diabetes. My oldest daughter is slender and was borderline anorexic a few years ago and the younger teen us carrying an extra 10 or 15 pounds but neither is currently obese. Given that the brownies were a fun family time and the history I had with my oldest daughter's eating disorder, I chose to let them make brownies and tried repeatedly to explain my reasoning. But he felt like I wasn't listening to him. His own son smokes cigs and he doesnt stop him but my girls making brownies made him apoplectic. I know this may seem like a small example but it was huge to him. Also, he thought I was too involved in my girls lives because I would cheer loudly for them at their sports games. He thought it was unseemly but I was always just cheering and saying positive things, not talking smack to t be refs or anything.
Hey, LITB, can you update us about Retrouvaille. We are going in about three weeks. Are you glad you went? Did it really help? Are you going to the other sessions?
Sorry for the hijack...busting ((()))
unbidden,
I had to dig for your thread. Thank you for making me work. lol
To answer your questions. Yes, absolutely, my W and I are both glad we went. It helped us tremendously.
We plan on attending all of the post sessions with the exception of one, which is because of a conflict on our calendar. We will try to make that date up at a different location.
To be perfectly honest, I can't articulate in words what a tremendous experience it was. You really have to experience it for yourself.
Kudos to you for getting your H to go with you. That is a big step in the right direction.
I'll tell you this, both my W and I were emotionally exhausted by the end of the program.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Thanks for putting in the work to find me. I think my H has almost given up but has agreed because he still loves me, he just thinks we're incompatible. Regardless of what ultimately happens, it seems like it'll be quite worthwhile. I so appreciate you stopping by.
I am interested to see how things develop in your sitch. I haven't followed from the beginning, however this might be exactly what is needed to change course.
Obviously there aren't any guarantees, but this certainly increases the odds to the positive side.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
I would go in with low expectations. Not because it doesn't work, but because you only get out of it what you put into it. And it is a whole lot of work.
With that said, I really enjoyed the experience. We missed most of the post sessions due to conflicts, but have new ones starting up in a few weeks we're planning to attend, and there are local groups that you can continue to attend in most cases.
Thanks, guys, I totally appreciate the input and will keep you posted. We are living separately currently and don't interact much so I don't often have much to update. That is why my sitch gets sort of lost. I am excited about Retrouvaille as I think we both have FOO issues that get in our way.
unbidden - so happy to hear that your h is even considering it.
you say you don't have much to update - would you tell us about yourself, where you are at, what your emotions have been the last couple of months and how you feel about your sitch and your h now? what is going on in you life?
it would be lovely to hear about those things
hope you are doing really well
((((((( ))))))) zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
