Quote: 11/02 Join this BB as JackieH, but change name as too obvious in case he snoops
Thanks for posting that info I was wanting to send hubby here but didn't want him to know my thread titles when i signed up I used my IM buddy name not even thinking about the fact that I might some day try to send him here so that he can possibly get some advice or just check it out if he in fact watches the videos
some of my posts aren't the nicest since i was journaling here & feelings have been raw during some of my posts
Quote: He makes comments about if he is here that night (when talking about the week), I asked his schedule of when he'd be staying here and when at his house, as he said he wants to spend some nights there, but he just says he doesn't know.
I feel if everything isn't perfect, he is going to bolt. I don't know if I'm just being jerked around. He was so excited on Tuesday about his goals, but I don't know if the reality of us being back and the kids being annoying just was too much, that he conveninetly forgot how hard being a parent is and he is gone.
I want reassurances from him, but I know not to ask. But the pit in the stomach is back. The tears are back and I'm just tired of picking myself up again and again.
Jackie
I know this feeling right now Been a crazy 2004 so far & can't tell where it's headed hopefully over to this board but for now i'm still in MLC trying to ride it out
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
Hi! Things are still going well. Wow, didn't think I'd be saying that.
Mockers--thanks for your continuing support! Trying to stay happy and fun around him, though I did return the thongs he bought for V-day for some bright yellow underwear. Need to replace the ratty u-wear we were supposed to do months ago for flylady!
Holding, I have spoken a bit with H about how it brings back bad memories. I don't know if he fully understands. He has major fears that I'm going to turn on him and tell him it is too much and to take a hike. I have trouble believing he feels that way when I have been so patient for all these months. The T said the biggest thing is to validate each other's thoughts, working on that. And it helps that H will just listen to my fears and it is a change for me to bring them up instead of my usual suffering in silence.
DB--you have been quiet--how is life with you?
Missing, I think I would be in big trouble if H read my posts. Not that I think I've been mean, but some serious venting going on in some past threads!
My inlaws are visiting this weekend. First time they have been here since this all started. To be honest, I still have the chip on my shoulder Ellie yelled at me for a few months back. I just struggle with the thought of them in my house when they just dropped out of sight (for me) when this all happened. Previous to this, it has always been give us a call if you ever need anything (my family lives 10 hours away), but their son takes a walk and nothing! I know I need to forgive them, but I'm not sure if I'm transferring my anger for H and his part of this to them. They aren't a huge part of our lives, so I shouldn't be so bent out of shape about this, but I'm finding it hard to let it go.
Jackie - I think I've mentioned this before, but not sure - is it possible that your inlaws just didn't know what to say? My own in laws never said one thing to me until very late into the whole thing. And then it was just my MIL, my FIL never said anything to me, although I know now that he was devastated and heartbroken about his son leaving. I had some angry feelings toward them before they said anything to me. I think what you're feeling is a normal response to their silence. Maybe I'm way off base, just a thought.
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
Jackie - thanks for posting on my thread. I posted something to you there, but thought I'd post it here too. Have you had your thryoid checked? The feeling of "having lead in your bones" made me think of this.
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
I am with you on the inlaws stuff. My in-laws sent my 5 yr. old money on her birthday!! and never even called her. No present to open, nothing! They have fallen off the face of the earth too. They called for new year's. We called on MIL's b-day 1/30 and that's it! H's birthday is today, so we'll see if they call. Oh yeah, they love their son so they will call, but I guess the my kids and I aren't important. Can you sense my anger??
They live far away so I don't say anything to H. Just act as if. You will do great!!!
Just another POV on the IL thing. My MIL is one of my closest friends - or was - until H left. Then it was hard because it wasn't fair to talk to her about this because it would be awkward for her and me.
Then I stopped saying much to her about my H and I because she didn't have a very optimistic POV as her H left when my H was a child and didn't come back and had no involvement in their life.
The kids and I still do alot with MIL, but the depth of our relationship may not ever recover from this. Even if my H comes home, it may never be the same. That makes me sad.
So it can happen both ways. I am sure your IL don't say anything for fear that anything they say could be miscontrued by you or your H to favor the other. So by not saying anything, they offend noone.
Just enjoy the weekend and act AS IF. You have done it before and can do it again. After all, it is only a few days -
Have a great one if I don't get back on here before then.
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
I survived the weekend and acted very pleasant and kind. Did not let any snide comments pass my lips and kept the negative thoughts in my head. Even had S invite the g-parents up for a special g-parent day at school.
I doubt they know anything close to the whole story. I guess I just expected some type of "are you okay" gesture. When I begin to think that they are wimps for not saying anything, I realize I'm also a wimp for not telling them how that hurt me!
M, I had my thyroid tested about 3 years ago, they said all was fine. Thinking of doing some research into this fatigue/lead thing. Keep wondering if I just start to eat well and exercise regularly if that will clear it up.
Had an okay weekend with H. Having ILs around did change the atmosphere a bit. At the talent show, after S performed, I was to sit with the kids in a special section until intermission. I did as I was told. Of course a bunch of kids just went to sit with their parents. H was pissed at me as he thought I was just avoiding him and his parents. S did great, he is a very low belt in karate, and they have been practicing with breakable boards and during the show they broke real boards (I didn't realize they were going to do that), he got it on his second try -- axe kick. Very cool.
Helped H move the last of his stuff out of his apartment, even vacuumed the whole place. He thanked me a bunch of times and I didn't get weird during the ordeal. Baby step.
Hey..things a sound good..moving h back??I have not been around much..I am happy for you. I find that it is still scary..all the work does not end when they come back..it really begins all over again in a different way..I have all different feelings from day to day.But know that things will bet better each day.
