Quote: I need to put the past in the past and get over the stuff. I guess I'm still punishing H for his past deeds and words and need to really forgive him, not just for some things, but all.
What if you shared with your H why you are having a difficult time? So he knows that it is not him moving back, which, of course, you are happy about, it is the haunting images... of course, if he would take this badly, maybe you can just tell him you are having trouble with the memories, whatever. Just make it clear to him that you love him, that you want him there... or just put aside the awful feelings for now, and act as if everything is wonderful... give your H the gift of that.
You are an inspiration... and you make me remember the importance of waiting.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.